Unwilling Sighted
by GraspingBlu
Summary: I remember closing my eyes as my mother tied the blindfold. “If you don’t see them they don’t see you. No sight so no stolen knowledge.” The dark and I are good friends now, though the light is always appealing.
1. Chapter 1

Unwilling Sighted

I remember closing my eyes as my mother tied the blindfold. "If you don't see them they don't see you. No sight so no stolen knowledge." The dark and I are good friends now, though the light is always appealing.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; it is the property of Stephenie Meyer. The original characters and plot are mine. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 1

My face was wet with tears and the world was a blurry hellish place. Mom held me in her arms tight, safe but even here the truth scared me. Daddy was gone he was not going to come back mom said he wants to but can't. The last time I had seen my father's face was the night before when he tucked me into bed after telling me stories and jokes. He said goodnight and hugged me it was every other night before it and I would never be touched by him again.

Even knowing that I was in the kitchen cradled in my mother's arms I was apart. They say that a child my age shouldn't have understood the loss of my father. That I should have asked where he was until after a few weeks it registered that he wasn't coming back. Experts say that even then I should have been a child and forgotten for periods of time. I didn't I knew my father's absence immediately and felt the world shift never to be righted.

I was 6 and my daddies little girl. He was my world and the day he left everything went to pieces. It was a slow process but my mother lost her footing and began to sink below the surface of the water. We both had been moons orbiting his planet and without him we were lost to the vastness of space. Swallowed up by it and left in the darkness that haunts your nightmares.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

It was shortly after the funeral that I began to change. I withdrew from the world and everyone but my mother. She was the only person that I needed or wanted in my life. Mom was having a rough time surviving the loss of dad, she was crumbling. I knew that mom wasn't like other moms but she stopped having normal days all together. So when I told her that I saw daddy the look in her eye was desperate and confusing.

People later told me that my mother was schizophrenic and what she had done to me was child abuse, neglect or some such horrible thing. I stopped fighting them and their judgements of my mother just as they stopped pushing me to heal, to let the world in. According to the courts I was a victim of a crazy woman who didn't understand that she was hurting me. My mother never hurt me, she saved me. She created a way for me to survive and I owe her my life and my love.

That day she and I talked about everything, the loss of dad, and what I saw. She could see him too but it was faded like a dream. To me he was clear but bright and there was something more but undefined. It upset my mother that I could see things that she did, my vision was clearer than hers and that too made her sad. A curse, she said, because it is a gift without an option to turn it off, to forget. Dad faded away a few months later.

By the time I was 9 my eyes faded to the pale blue of my mother's. The night when no streak of brown was left in them my mother held me in her arms and cried. It had happened to her only much slower; she was 23 when her hazel eyes went grey. She wept for fear of what was going to happen to me, and that she wasn't going to be strong enough to help me.

My sight was stronger than hers and with it came an odd gift. I knew my mother, all of her. The woman she was before this curse laid its claws in her, the child, the lover and finally the mother. It was all laid before me as if a bounty prepared for me. In school I knew things about those that surrounded me that unnerved them and I learned never to speak of what I saw. Mother said that I was stealing knowledge that was not rightfully mine, unintentional or not it was wrong.

Her mind wavered and when I was 9 ½ the monsters came. No matter where or when, they surrounded me, their horrors playing out over and over as I screamed and begged for it to stop. When my eyes closed the images vanished but I still felt the press of them on my skin. Only with my eyes closed could I have rest from the things I saw, so no longer was I to go out into the world. She removed me from school and began to teach me at home.

No one questioned her; they believed that the trauma of losing my father had affected me. That the loss of him had caused my out bursts. As with all humans the eye is attracted to the light, it will open to look, to see. To save me from reactions I could prevent my mother blindfolded me. As with all children I adjusted and began to see around the fabric in front of me. I could see without my eyes and so the urge to open my eyes began to fade and I was shrouded in darkness lit only by my mind's eye.

Eyes closed I stole no knowledge of those around me, not that any one other than my mother saw me then, and found peace. My mother had always been fragile since the loss of dad but when I turned 11 the final piece of her broke and there was nothing left. I found her in the basement in the garden we had created there when my father lived. She was still and beautiful but gone. I wept for the loss of my mother and for the ending of her pain.

I was pulled into the world when I finally informed the authorities of my mother's passing. Since I never opened my eyes they thought me blind until they asked me if I was. It is something I have never really understood, not asking a question to spare the embarrassment of the answer being obvious. When they noticed I don't open my eyes it's because they don't work, they never ask why you don't open your eyes.

Apparently I profited nicely on the deaths of those I love most of all. I could have anything in the world if I wanted it, anything but solitude. I am a ward of the state now and live with a woman named Sarah who lies through her teeth nearly every time she opens her mouth to speak. She is only a foster parent for the money it gives her. I don't mind but miss the little girl that used to live here with me. Paige a spoiled little thing but innocent and playful, she was adopted two years ago.

I still don't go to school but in the passed 5 years have advanced to taking courses online from the local college. I'm going into my second semester of second year. Other than never opening my eyes I like to think that I'm a normal average kid in the foster system. Loaded but troubled, kidding I love life. After my mother's death I thought I was alone and helpless and for the first few days I was. I didn't know what to do nor did I particularly care. Mom came back like dad did only she was going to stay with me. She's whole though, at peace and she helps me while I stand alone in the dark.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I sat on my bed staring out the window, eyes closed of course. The light was falling beautifully into the trees. How do I know? I don't really understand it myself, I mean people and things have auras but light? All I know is that I can, it's not like when I can actually see if but it is still beautiful. Most of the time I would just open my eyes and look but there was an echo in the trees near the window and I didn't want to draw its attention.

Ren was sitting beside me looking out the window eyes lingering on the creature making sure it wasn't aware of me. I had gotten in the habit of calling her Ren just because it was weird to call her mom when she was so different now. In the best of ways but still she was my mother and I had her with me only she was more than she had been when she lived. It made it easier not to miss her physicality while she was mentally with me.

Sarah arrived home a few minutes later and I walked down to the kitchen to pull the lasagne out of the oven to serve for dinner. She was in a fowl mood but that was pretty normal, only tonight she looked like I had done something to her. As I place the food in front of her she stared at me a look of hatred on her face and I tried to keep my face blank. If my eyes are closed I can not see the world, I chanted as I often did when I tried to push away the urge to ask if there was something on my face. If my eyes are closed I can't react to the world as if they were open.

"What would you like to drink?" I asked keeping my voice plain and calm. I waited by her side as I asked my hands resting on the table top.

"Do you think I'm an idiot?" She asked me and I stared at her behind closed eyes baffled. The murderous look on her face told me that this was bad, very bad. I wonder what I have done that could have caused this type of reaction from her.

"I don't..." was as far as I got before she pushed out of the chair and towards me. As she grabbed my shoulders and shoved me back I blinked rapidly but my eyes thankfully remained closed. Gasping I landed on the floor bruising my tailbone but only startled beyond that.

"You're lying to me. You're not blind!" She screamed I understood now where the anger had come from. A few weeks ago I had gone to the doctor's for a check up because I had sadly walked into a tree because I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings. The verbal lashing from Ren was still fresh because I had nearly opened my eyes in the middle of a park full of people. The doctor had asked me if I had gone to any therapy since he had last seen me. It was an odd comment and it had rubbed Sarah the wrong way and she had looked into my medical history.

You see the only reason me and Sarah got along was because I was blind. I couldn't see her bring over men or abusing prescription medications. Now she knew that I knew and that I had something over her head. Not a good situation to be in with Sarah she's a smart woman that knows how to solve a problem. The only problem is she chooses the most painful one for the other person. I was not going to do very well against her and I wondered what she was going to do to me.

****

The twigs were sharp under my bare feet but I did my best to ignore the pain and continue walking. It was the cold and wet that had me worried most. I was only in the thin tank top and pyjama bottoms that I had spent the day in. Since it was raining this morning I didn't go for a walk and so never bother to dress in more than a clean tank top and pyjama pants. I owned more pairs of pj's then anything else but since me and social situations never really met it was fine.

A car raced passed me and I held my hands over my eyes. The blood still ran from the scratches, I had to look ghastly blood running down my face, drenched through and in pyjamas walking along the side of the road after dark. Since I knew almost no one, I didn't expect any of the cars to stop and none did.

Sarah was right that this would discredit any claim I made against her. No one in their right mind would believe that I was sane with these injuries. I looked as though I had tried to claw my own eyes out, add to that the fact that I don't ever open them and you have the recipe for mental unstable. Ren walked beside me and directed me since I couldn't see clearly through the protective hands over my closed eyes.

As I stepped into the parking lot I knew that I would say nothing to contradict Sarah's story. She had phoned the police to report that I had freaked out and ran out of the house in a terrible state. Her concern filled voice made me sick but only because it sounded real while she smiled at me. Then she clawed me and told me to walk to the hospital or into the woods and to die there, heart warming.

Ren stopped telling me where to go so I would appear to be blind and confused. It worked but I walked into things and that was not fun. Once I managed to make it to the entrance of the ER I walked up to the desk with my hands covering my eyes and wondered how I was going to do this.

_I wouldn't suggest showing this one, she will faint and make a big scene. _

I noted her irritated voice and turned from the woman and wondered what my other options were. Even with my hands over my eyes I noted that a presence was coming towards me. It radiated comfort and compassion. I wondered if it was human or an echo like no other I had seen before. I was about to voice my question to Ren when she cut me off.

_Show him_

I turned to the figure and removed my hands looking at him. He was blond, pale and very beautiful but it was how easily I saw him that intrigued me. Through my closed eyes I had to concentrate to see what was around me and even then it was stronger with some pieces of people. Sarah's lips, hands and hips were strongest for her but I could see her whole body those parts were just stronger. This man's entire body was strong I wonder why. He looked like he had swallowed an echo his form was so perfect behind my eyelids.

His eyes went wide as he took in the finger nail cuts that went in some places forehead to mid-cheek. I gazed at him and wondered what his reaction would be. He took my hand and led me to an exam room and picked me up and placed me on the exam bed. I didn't fight him in the slightest, he turned and began to pull things from the shelves and place them on a tray. He moved a little too fast like he wanted to go faster but couldn't.

"Now I'm going to apply some disinfectant try not to move." His voice was steady as he moved towards me slowly. I nodded my head and he held my face in one hand and the other applied the gaze. It stung mightily but I didn't move, before I learned to close my eyes I had once attacked myself in this fashion. Pain was a part of my life, echoes when they touch skin burns and I forgot to look around me sometimes. His grip loosened as he continued to clean the wounds. "Thank you. Now how did you get these injuries?" he asked as he worked.

"I would think it obvious, doctor." I answered my voice empty, the pain cleared my head from the cold and I felt the injuries to my feet and the chill that penetrated my bones. "I'm cold and my feet hurt." I hadn't answered his question but I hoped he wouldn't ask again I had no interest in lying to him.

"When I am done here I will tend to your feet." He said as he wrapped a blanket around my shoulders. "Can you open your eyes for me?" I smiled at this and the fact that no one knew me enough to know that I was the foster child that was to be expected.

"I can but I won't. I'm Isabella Swan." I stated and a look of understanding filled his face before it became a professional and polite mask again. It must have taken him a few years practice to be able to do that. I know schooling your features is harder than you would think.

"Why did you leave your home in such a state?" he asked eyeing my clothing and lack of shoes. I tilted my head to the side and looked at him blankly. What answered did he think he would get?

"Doc. I've had a nice long walk to get here so how about we save the questions for the shrinks?" I asked giving my voice that annoyed tone I would imagine a tired teen uses often.

"My name is Carlisle Cullen. Please call me Carlisle Isabella." He said as he banged my eyes and turned his attention to my feet. I heard the intake of breath as he realised I had stepped in glass and kept on walking. It wasn't like I had a choice and I couldn't pick out all the glass.

"Call me Bella." I stated as I laid back on the bed and waited for him to attack my feet. With the bandages I couldn't see very clearly so I stopped trying and the world morphed into a grey fuzzy one. The basic shape of everything was there but no details, there was no way to see nothing. Even in the dark I can see, even with my eyes closed I can see. There was no true dark, emptiness for me. I live in the dark yearning for the light and yet never could I stop seeing.

"Bella this is going to hurt, you have glass in you foot. By the looks of it you pulled some of it out but there's quite a bit still in your feet." He sounded frustrated and kind. I sighed but stayed on my back staring blankly at the ceiling. "You were walking beside the road and no one stopped to help you?" he asked and I could hear the anger in his voice.

"I'm not known, no one picks up someone walking beside the road if they don't know them." I stated. Isolation had severed my connections with the community the only people I really knew lived on the reservation and I hadn't seen them in a few weeks. I felt him stick a needle in my right foot and slowly the area went numb, thank heavens for that.

"I have quite a bit of work to do so if you can rest, please do so." Carlisle stated as he changed tools I nodded and let my thoughts drift and not settle on anything. Soon I was drifting off to sleep and hoped I wouldn't talk in my sleep in front of the good doctor.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I stood in a village long forgotten and no longer standing. It looked to be before the time of Christ but that was only a guess. Warm nearly too hot for comfort but a moist heat that made it liveable. The people moved about daily tasks none saw me or approached the platform I stood upon. Children were playing together near me, chasing almost dancing around each other. Their mother's would periodically look over at them and smile, enjoying the youth that had passed them.

The scene shifted and I left the pounding of hooves in the darkness of night that now filled the village. They were going to die, I knew this every time I dreamt that it would hold death but still it surprised me. This whole village died this day; no children would come from this place and live among others. The faces of those setting the fires and slaughtering the people were away from me but there were few. So many dead for such a small group of destroyers.

My vision blurred as I woke and the grey world fell upon me as I fought to keep my eyes closed. I pushed my sight outward and the colours came washing away the ghostly visions. Still facing the ceiling I realised that no longer was I in the room that Carlisle had first led me to. I was in a hospital room, attached to an IV and bandaged. The gauze itched like the wool my mother had used one day before I complained.

_Be cautious Sarah has come and gone. She has convinced them of your lunacy, all except Carlisle._

Joyous day. There was no one in my room now so I adjusted myself to stretch stiff muscles and relieve the pressure on a weird spot lower on my back. As I moved I noted that there was a little girl standing outside my window, well on the ground below the second story window. She held a balloon in one hand and waved at me with the other. I knew better than to think that just because she was cute and innocent that whatever made her an echo would be as sweet. Children witness and experience such horrors unspeakable and undeserved atrocities.

Once I managed to find a better position I turned towards the doorway. He stood at the counter though I had felt him walking towards me for a moment I had forgotten the strength of his image in my strange sight. He turned to look in to my room through the glass and smiled moving to my door. Keeping my face blank I continued to stare at him, he moved with unnatural grace. He knocked on the door as he entered and I moved my head to face the door more directly. It was kind of him to knock and not startle me, supposedly, by speaking from beside me. You would be surprised how many people forget I live with my eyes firmly closed.

"Hello again Bella." He said as he walked towards me and sat in the chair by the bed side. "I was wondering how you were feeling today?" I frowned at the today comment.

"Today?" I asked as I sat up; no wonder I felt so stiff. How long had I been here?

"Yes, you been sleeping for the passed 48 hours." He said and my mouth opened and closed several times trying to come up with the time that had passed. Sometimes dreams move at a much slower or faster rate but 48 hours for... okay so it wasn't that weird just disconcerting. Sarah had been spinning her lies for two days; she must have only recently been pulled from my side by some concerned staff member told to make sure she eats. Cue the eye roll of the century.

"Good to know. Can I go home now?" I asked sounding bored and whiney. Once I left here I prayed that it would return to the ignore each other tactic that had worked so well in the last few years. She would never completely let her guard down with me though she has never seen my eyes she'll look now. I would have to work on my reactions to her; I had been lax because she never noticed me. Life likes little complications sides I had learned from the first year bouncing around that silence and stillness were as good as a composed face.

"In another day or so, we don't want to risk your feet getting infected." Carlisle answered mechanically as he checked over my feet and then moved to my head. "I'm going to check the injures to your eyes now." His fingers were cold against my face as he undid the gauze and tape over my eyes. I lay there waiting to feel the cool air against my eyes. His movements were sure and perfect as he pealed the tape off my face. It felt weird but at least it was only fine hair the tape on my arm was going to be meaner.

"Oh Bella's awake!" Sarah called from the door way looking happily surprised. I had to get her to give me pointers on schooling my features into a believable and loveable lie. She strutted towards me and I knew she had hit on Carlisle many times and that judging by the full on flirt had been turned down politely each and every time. I felt the tension that appeared between his shoulders as she moved towards him and felt sorry for the good doctor. "Gah!" she gagged as she caught a glimpse of my face. I held myself as still as possible as I suppressed the urge to giggle insanely. The damage her fake nails had racked over my eyes was too much for her.

She played faint and stumbled over her own feet in apparent horror. Carlisle put a hand on her shoulder to steady her but I noticed the slight hesitation before he touched her. Reluctance was common around men that Sarah flirted around, especially the ones that didn't want to sleep with her. Her eyes were big and round as she looked up at him and I groaned.

"Are you alright Bella?" Carlisle asked moving closer to my side and rolled my eyes behind their lids. Just disgusted and tired doc I swear. I nodded and breathed in and out as though in pain, I felt wave after wave of annoyance come off of Sarah and knew that should I keep interrupting her that she would take a course of action that ended my life.

"Sorry, I guess I move my face and it pulled the skin." I answered hoping that it was true, it sound right to my own ears. Sarah looked between me and Carlisle and an evil and sadistic smirk graced her lips. Her trying to seduce him just to bother me was not the worst she could do and I'm sure he's gotten that kind of attention before. I'm sure the nearly outlined and glowing man before me could handle Sarah and her lusty ways.

"Understandably. While you were unconscious we checked your eyes and noted no damage. However do you feel any pain or damage?" he asked looking at my wounds. I thought about it and moved my eyes around gently.

"Nope I feel fine in that respect." I told him honestly. He nodded but frowned he had hoped I would open my eyes.

"Bella doesn't open her eyes Carlisle." Sarah said practically purring his name. I wanted to cringe and fake vomit but settled for absolute stillness for a moment I stopped breathing. The smirk returned and told me she believed my reaction was favouritism for him.

"Never?" he asked her turning away from me. "Has she seen some one about this?" Sarah smiled her triumph of getting him to pay more attention to her than me.

"We've made the attempt but she isn't ready to do that. The courts sealed the case but the abuse was long term and I think its consequence may also be far reaching." She said playing worried mother hen like a pro. The first fight we had was over her derogatory comments about my mother.

I couldn't contradict her now so I turned my head to look at the little girl who was staring at me with a wicked glint in her eyes. Nothing like a child shaped echo to hunt and kill my problems for me. I watched her but she didn't make any move to attack Sarah, it wasn't physical harm that I worried about. When my mother was alive and I was 8 we were walking in the forest when a bear appeared in our path, I screamed pushed at it with my mind. Suddenly all the echoes near us attacked and overwhelmed the poor thing killing it. That day still terrifies me I have made sure never to have a repeat of that moment of horror.

"Forgive my intrusion." Carlisle said turning to look at my back as I continued to stare at the girl with the yellow balloon. She had begun to play hopscotch and giggle slightly, I longed to believe the beautiful image that played out in front of my eyes. "Allow me to re-bandage you and let you get some rest Bella." I nodded but didn't turn right away.

"No need to be shy Bella." Sarah crowned from behind me and I wanted to smack the stupid woman. Turning to lay on my back I smiled at her and tried for embarrassed.

"Sorry, I'm just really tired." I said as he moved to reapply the gauze. Sarah rolled her eyes and fidgeted impatiently. I knew that she wanted to have the worried mother and dutiful daughter talk with him still here so I wasn't surprised when she took my hand in hers.

"I am just so glad that you are awake. I have been here worried and antagonizing the staff." She said laughing without humour. "They served dinner a little while ago, will Bella be able to have something to eat or should I go and get her something from the cafeteria?" she asked Carlisle some how managing to be focused on me and yet flirting with him.

"I will have them bring Bella dinner. You should get some rest also... Sarah." He said the pause was incredibly subtle but I managed to catch it. Carlisle didn't like to say her name, as though it would bind him to her.

"Nonsense Bella needs me here with her." Sarah stated looking at me as if willing me to play her game and let her off the hook. I frowned and pouted slightly.

"That isn't fair, I mean I'm just going to sleep. Sarah you really should rest I can only imagine trying to sleep in one of these chairs for two nights. Go home, I'm sure I'll just be sleeping the whole time anyway." I pleaded sounding selfless and overly concerned for her, just what she wanted. "Sides if your here I'll be worried about you and wont be able to heal myself." I finished and she looked at me acting for Carlisle.

"Are you sure dear?" she said and I fought the urge to stare at her in disbelief. She called me dear; it was kind of like body snatchers only I liked her evil and human, the over niceness was just fake. I nodded as Carlisle finished with the tape. "If you're sure, I'll be back tomorrow morning."

"She won't be discharged until around 2 or 3 pm." Carlisle stated as he went to the bottom of the bed to write on my chart thingy. I silently thanked him.

"Then you should sleep in catch up on the rest you've been missing here." I said pleading again and this time she nodded and looked at me affectionately. It was a game and both of us could play, but if there was ever a day when I didn't follow her blindly I was not going to live very long. Soon both she and Carlisle left me to sleep and I looked at Ren with wide eyes.

_I am unsure as to whether or not you should have killed her or not played the game._

It wasn't a choice Ren. If I don't play she gets to play the insanity card and I go away. I would rather have the chance to live normally before the pump me full of antipsychotics and sedatives. Ren shook her head but made no further move to comment on my response. My mother would have continued it was one of the few differences. Ren got that letting it go right now was best, but I sometimes expected for Ren to be my sick and unstable mother not a responsible adult.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The sun shone into the room as though it wanted to crawl all throughout the building. After watching a war the light was nice against my face, comforting. Ren stood at the door and watched as the people went about their work.

_Eat the food they have given you Bella. You need it to help you heal._

Noting the food on the table beside me I reach out hesitant and blindly until I 'found' the edge of it and pulled it towards me. No need to look out of place and able to see when I had gauze over my eyes. It smelt horrible but I swallowed and began to eat the toast eyeing the porridge unsure.

_Carlisle returns and I think he means to protect you Bella. Be kind to him but say little._

"Bella may I speak with you?" He asked from my door way and I jumped a little as his voice interrupted Ren. I nodded my consent and he entered and sat beside me. "Bella you didn't harm yourself, the injuries don't match for that type of injury." I looked at him and wondered for a moment why he cared in the slightest. Maybe he was a protector at heart or maybe he had a bad vibe about Sarah.

"You know who did this to you and yet you haven't said anything. Are you protecting the person who did this to you?" he asked his voice pleading. I looked away from him and fiddled with the edge of the table. "Let me help you Bella, tell me who hurt you." I swallowed the lump in my throat he sounded like my father when I had a nightmare that frightened me.

"You can't help me and I'm not protecting any one but myself." I said and Ren shook her head. Carlisle looked at me concern etched into his face.

"I can, I can help you Bella. No one should be allowed to hurt a child or anyone for that matter." Carlisle's voice held old convictions and sorrows. I turned and looked at him sighing.

"You know my medical history Carlisle, you know I'm unstable. I don't want to live my life drugged and lost in a sea of medications that take everything from me. I won't this is better than that hell." I told him and he looked at me and I looked back. "I can't be other than I am, and I can handle this should I choose to. You just need to give me the chance to do so. This is nothing and won't happen again."

"How can you be so sure it won't get worse?" he asked and I smirked shaking my head.

"Spoken like a person that doesn't realise they have yet to see hell, experience the nightmare just out of reach." My voice was calm and empty. He looked saddened, "No need for pity Carlisle life has costs and I pay mine. Though it may be in spades compared to most."

"Abuse is not a cost of life Bella." Carlisle sighed as he pushed back in the chair.

"I never said it was Carlisle, you assume that is what I meant."I answered and he looked at me confused. My smile was pleasant and true. "Ah to see the world in such blinded eyes." I whispered as reached out and touched his hand. "I long for a time when I saw so little." His eyes were wide and I smiled again.

"How did you?" he asked and I smiled a sad smiled.

_Tell him about the day your nightmares came true._

"I remember closing my eyes as my mother tied the blindfold. 'If you don't see them they don't see you. No sight so no stolen knowledge.' The dark and I are good friends now, though the light is always appealing." I echoed old thoughts and he looked at me baffled.

"Who doesn't see you?" he asked and I giggled.

"My mother was diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic Carlisle." I stated again not answering his question but giving him small facts and letting him make his own mistaken conclusions.

"How did you know where my hand was?" Carlisle asked and I knew he was phrasing questions more carefully.

"My eyes are closed, but I am not blind." I said feeling the truth in the words my mother had once said to me. "She comes." I went for ominous as I spoke and he looked at me like he felt her moving towards us also. Perhaps he merely heard her steps but I felt the black being that had eaten a hole in her. Sure he was her father but he hurt her and his echo was feeding on the little that was left of her.

"Am I early? Its 2." Sarah asked as she moved quickly to my side. Always aware of how things appear to others. Carlisle looked at her and his professional smile graced his face once more.

"You have marvellous timing I was just tell Bella that it was time to go." He said and got up to get the wheelchair in the corner of the room. It hadn't been there when I fell asleep; it must have been brought in later.

"Perfect. How do we get Bella in the chair?" she asked playing dumb blond and I rolled my eyes hoping that Carlisle did not go for dumb that would be sad and unsuited to his personality.

"Well I could get help or merely move her myself?" he asked and I shrugged, why bother get others to do what you could.

"If we don't have to bother anyone that would be good." I said and he nodded picking me up gently and placing me in the chair softly. "Thank you for the lift."

"Not a problem." He answered smiling as he removed the brake and wheeled me out into the hallway and out to the front desk. "Now do you two need a hand getting into the car?" he asked and Sarah nodded.

Once I was positioned in the back seat Carlisle closed the door and walked Sarah to her car door and held it for her as she climbed in. I laid my head back and resisted the urge to gage, vomit or itch the healing wounds on my face. Sarah was flirting badly again and I was sorry for Carlisle he didn't deserve to be bothered by Sarah.

Only as we drove out of the lot did I feel the old Sarah slip into place. She smiled at me in the rear view mirror and it was distinctly mean. Knowing she could see my face clearly I didn't try to suppress the eye roll. It was to be war between us and well I really could give a flying fluff.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

To say things were tense in my foster home would be an understatement of the so close to a lie it was one variety. I spent as much time away from the house as possible but that seemed to only make things manageable, bearable. Sarah's eyes followed me anywhere I moved in the house, in the passed six weeks I have walked into more tables and furniture then ever before.

It took 4 months for her to cool enough to not stare at me when we happened upon each other. And another 6 for her voice to loose its oh so sweet edge. My mind was never far from the topic of Sarah, and Ren had taken to watching the woman as she would an echo. I haven't slept well for these past months and had taken to leaving the house to sleep over at Jacob's. Currently I was lying on First Beach staring up at the sky eyes closed. Today I decided I knew why I could see the colours of the sky, it was a refection of the ocean. And the ocean was coloured to me because of the life it contained.

"Bells?" Jacob called and I waved to him but other wise made no move to acknowledge him. "Why didn't you come to the house? I thought we were going to hang?" I shrugged at him and opened my eyes to my best friend. He shimmered for a moment and his essence played out in the back of my head. Jacob was smitten with a girl from a reservation a bit to the north from here. "Hey little warning before you look into my soul! Gees. Manners." He chuckled as he pushed himself to the sand beside me. I rolled my eyes and looked out at the water and blinked when I realised it wasn't the color I had seen before.

"Sorry, not." I said as I smiled at him. "And she likes you back." I told him thinking about the girl that always made an effort to sit near him but never spoke to him. She had deep near black brown eyes and smooth light-ish skin that showed her mixed heritage. Her lips were full but almost too large for her face. She was shy but lovely and from what Jake had seen see was kind and caring but had a wicked sense of humour and sharp wit.

"Really?" he asked pleased but unsure, "I mean she never actually talks to me. Her friends are the ones that bring her over." I shook my head and smiled I was just glad that Jake had gotten over his crush on me. It was awkward because we were so close but I see him as a brother not a boyfriend. We had discussed it but it took him a few years to get over it completely. And now he like a cute girl that liked him back a happier ending then liking me when I didn't feel the same.

"That's cause she's shy, her friends know she likes you and so take the step and bring her to you. And trust me she isn't talking to you directly but when you're close to her she saying the funniest things. Its her way of getting you to notice and make your move." I told him and he beamed at me before frowning and looking confused. "Jake ask her out." He nodded hesitant but gaining confidence.

"Sure, sure. So how goes it on your front?" he asked and I sighed and pushed him back and rested my head on his stomach. He was my pillow and he knew it so he let me lean back onto him.

"Great, I mean why else would I no longer be sleeping well at the house, and walking into stuff?" I said sarcasm dripping off my words. I was tired and I just wanted this game to end and for her to go back to ignoring me. It was so much easier then, but she had to know that I could see her. Even when I never opened my eyes, I had considered asking to leave her house but where too?

"Okay Gees. You know I'll help you should you need it." He said as we looked at the sky watching the colours change.

_Close your eyes Bella._

My eyes closed and I pushed up to look over at the echo that was making its way across the beach. Jake took no notice of my movements only that my eyes were now closed. It was nice to be so open with someone, Jake and I had no secrets. We had known each other since we were bitsy, though I played more with his sisters until they got old and didn't want to. Jake was in my classes in school until he switched to the reservation middle school since it was closer to him.

Since my mom pulled me out and Jake already understood that I was different mom let me tell him the truth and told him not to tell. He had agreed and we had been best friends since. A few years back Jake told his dad and Billy understood for some reason and didn't shun me. For the most part he treated me the same except now I didn't pretend to be blind and he got a chuckle out of me play fighting with Jake.

"Jake, if I left Sarah would your dad be my legal guardian?" I asked struck by the idea of being free of that woman.

"Umm... I don't know moneys tight and there's no space..." Jake stumbled honestly and I stopped him laughing. I wouldn't impose on them in the slightest sides I had a house that was collecting dust.

"Jake I have my old house and loads of death money. It would just be a legal thing so that I wouldn't be a ward of the state any more. I would be your sister." I said smiling; I like the idea of kinda being Jake's sister.

"Oh yeah. I forgot you still owned that house. But would you really want to live alone though? And I'm sure that Billy would love to help you out." Jake said relieved that I wouldn't take over his house like his sisters did when they visited. They were nice girls but Jake and Billy liked to live like men loud and messy. Sides, a girl in the house changes the feel and I wouldn't change Jake's place in the slightest I felt like my second home. The old house will always be home to me with our garden in the basement and all.

"Hey how many 17 year olds own a house and two cars and a motorcycle? And do you think so? I don't want to bug him with this if not I mean its nothing really." I ramble as I realised that it was a lot to ask of some one even if you've known them for most if not all of your life. Dad was friends with Billy that's how I met Jake and his sisters.

"Too true and Bells of course he would want to help you out. He knew like any sane person that you wouldn't do that to yourself again." Jake said waggling his eyebrows at me making a joke out of the last. Though it had been true he told me he would have smashed his head into a wall to make it stop. I smacked his chest for the comment but smiled.

After the sun set we walked back to his house where I had parked my bike since it wasn't raining or snowing, you never know it is April in Forks. I still recall the week where it went from snow and ice to pouring rain to bright sunny to hail. Learning to enjoy all weather is just a part of living in Forks, I use the bike whenever I can but I do use one of the cars if needed.

Jacob collapsed into the sofa and flicked on the tv to some game and was lost to the world. I rolled my closed eyes and walked over to Billy sitting at the table. I sat next to him and waited for him to look up and react to me. It was a while but Billy knows I don't mind waiting that I sometimes enjoy a silent moment before I'm noticed.

"What's on your mind Bella?" he asked his voice clear but a touch raspy. It suited him so well that I could imagine another voice coming from his mouth.

"I was wondering if you would help me. I need to get out of Sarah's house and I don't want to end up being moved away from Forks. Since I still own my old house I figure I could live there well enough on my own. With the money I was awarded and compensated with I have more than enough to support myself. But legally I am a minor, I need a guardian." I said carefully as I waited for him to ask me what I wanted from him. But instead I received a small smile and a hearty laugh.

"I was wondering when you would ask me this. I thought it might have been a few years ago. Then I would have told you no because I can't manage two teens but now. Now I know that you could live well completely on your own so I would love to be your guardian. But you would need to come down a visit often and let me know what's going on with you regularly." He answered and I smiled though I know shock should in it also. I hadn't thought that he would have thought of this, or that he would agree.

"Of course, even I get lonely. How about twice a week I come and make dinner for you two?" I said smiling at the man I had always thought of as an uncle. Being able to stay in the only place I have known and to not have to worry about blending in with other people in a close environment took a lot of pressure off of me. My home would be a place of calm and rest for me like it had when my mother lived. I looked at Ren and she smiled agreeing with my thoughts.

"Sounds good to me." Jacob agreed, you could scream at the boy while he watched a game and he wouldn't hear a word mention food and you have his complete attention. I looked at Billy and shook my head.

"Got to agree with the boy Bells, your cooking is the best." Billy said and I shook my head but smiled at the two boys. Men and food, and sports, what's a girl to do?

"I'm going to get some sleep." I said getting up and throwing myself down on the couch ignoring Jake's complaints as he moved out of my way and putting my head in his lap. Jake could sleep out in the cold standing so I cared little about making him sit up. I yawned and both of them chuckled. "Night." Their voices echoing after mine was the last thing I heard before sleep took me.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"Bella, I have to go to school get off." Jake said shaking me slightly and I lifted my back off him and let him get up before falling back and rolling on to my side. As I realised that I hadn't dreamed at all last night, must have been really tired. Jake was dressed and out of the house at a quick pace that told me he was already way late. Probably half way through first period or something. One of the many joys of doing online courses was that I usually did everything before it was due and I finished most of the assignments before they were even given out.

"Bella did you want some lunch?" Billy asked as I finally pulling myself up off the couch. I shook my head and stretched. Pulling on my shoes I kissed Billy's cheek as I passed him to grab something to drink before I left.

"Thanks for doing the guardian thing. It means a lot." I said before I drained the glass and washed it out setting it on the dish rack to dry. He nodded and smiled waving me off as I went out the front door and got on my bike. It was raining but for the trip to the house it was fine even with the drenched seat. Turning the key I started it up, putting my helmet on I walked it back and drove off. Even in the rain the feeling of flying was so nice like if I went fast enough time would stand still.

As I left the reservations and passed the boundary that always seemed to tingle against my skin I slowed. The rain was getting heavy and making it hard to see the lines. I passed the high school and noticed that most of the students were in the parking lot. As I passed heads turned in my direction, I was thankful for the helmet that hid my face.

I was supposed to be one of them and yet not one of them knew me personally. There was one girl who tried to keep in contact when my mother pulled me out of school. Angela, I don't remember her last name but she was a kind girl. I wish I had kept in contact with her but it was too much then and now I didn't know her any more. My heart sank as I thought of all the things I missed out on because I was different. Sighted as my mother calls it, Unwilling sighted is more like it. I hated my 'gift' and what it did to my mother and what in all likelihood it will do to me.

Hadn't I lost enough yet? Shaking my head as I pulled into the drive way I pushed the thoughts away. Regret and anger would get me know where, other then as an echo when I died. Does everyone become an echo? Or are only the most emotional left to haunt the world. Ren didn't know and there was no way to ask so I was left to ponder it now and again. I hope that it is only the strong emotions and not the souls of the people that are left here piled together in agony. As I walked up to the door Sarah pulled it open her face kind and smiling.

"Oh there you are honey. We were wondering where you were." She nearly cooed as she ushered me into the house. There seated in the room was Dr. Cullen and a woman that I had never seen before. She looked official and vaguely tired; I wonder if this is his wife.

"Now we can get to matters at hand. It has come to our attention that Isabella did not inflict the wounds seen 10 months ago in Forks' ER. I was wondering if you Ms. Swan had anything to say now on behalf of those events." Her voice was kind of nasal and grating but it was her words that played over and over in my head. Did I want to put her up on charges? Yes would it put me in a potentially bad situation with her I would go with hell yes, was I in a bad situation already yuppers? So there was very little bad going to come from this, even as I thought it is cringed.

"Bella, know that whether or not you comment of what happened that an investigation is going to occur." Carlisle told me completely ignoring Sarah who was doing her best to look confused and innocent. Without my words against her and a mark on her record she would take in other foster children I needed to do this for them.

"I didn't try to claw my own eyes out. Sarah did this to me when she knew that I knew she brought men and did drugs in this house." I said clearly and nearly monotone but my voice waved on drugs. She looked triumphant and I knew that she was going to say I was crazy, unstable, or insane. "She keeps her stash of medications in three places throughout the house, under her bed, in a shoe box in the front closet and in a few vitamin bottles in her bathroom cabinet." Her mouth gaped and her eyes popped out of her head. In her view I couldn't possibly know that considering she stashed them only when I wasn't home or behind her locked bedroom door.

"You are certain of this?" the woman's eyes bugged out of her head and I nodded simply. "May I ask how you know where the drugs are?" It was a good question that I couldn't answer with honesty. I had peaked at Sarah a few times accidently and those three places were where she always put the pills.

"In the front closet I was hunting for a few of the things that I had packed up looking for my fingerless gloves and found them in the hunt. The ones in her cabinet I was sick with a cold and wanted some vitamin c and she had the bottle full of tablets that didn't smell right. As for the stuff under her bed I was snooping." I admitted lamely blushing. I had done none of these things but they were all possible actions that would lead to discoveries.

Sarah just stared at me blinking too fast trying to find a way to discredit me. She couldn't but she could still hurt me. I knew that and was merely waiting for her to come up with something that would cut me. The woman wrote everything down in a pad and then looked at Sarah as if waiting for some comment from her.

"It is completely untrue." She said as tears trailed down her face. "I really don't know what's going on. I mean you arrive and ask me odd questions then this. Bella why would you say these things?" she looked broken and hurt, the woman was fooled by this face and voice.

"I don't want you to hurt others after me. Truly I wish I could leave knowing that you were just misguided that it wouldn't happen to any one else but I know better. You play your games well and I must say the scratchy tear filled voice makes this harder. A lie is a lie and no child can live this lie and survive it whole. I fear for what your parents did to you to make this how a family is." I let tears fall down my own face. She was a broken person but still I hated her. For others I would expose the lies and prevent her from access to others.

"You're not my family!" she practically screamed it into my face. Her grip was tight on my arms but I didn't flinch in the slightest. "Your mother was a nutcase and you are just as broken as she is. But I let you into my house and you accuse me of horrible lies." The burning anger just below her surface still made her look innocent to me so I did what would break her.

"I'm sorry he hurt you Sarah I really am." My voice was a soft whisper but she reacted as if I had slapped her across the face. Her eyes were wide and mad as her hand hit my jaw and knocked me to the floor. Carlisle held her off of me as she tried to kick me. Looking up at her with hurt and confusion she sagged to the floor and wept. I knew in that moment she saw herself as the victim perhaps it would change her enough to improve her life. Carlisle stayed between the two of us.

"Well that was entertaining but I place you under arrest Ms. Grey for child abuse and drug possession." Her voice was calm and empty as she pulled Sarah up and to the door. I guess she was a police officer. I stared after them as she left the house and wondered if I had done right or wrong.

"Bella are you alright?" Carlisle asked as he knelt in front of me. I nodded and held my hand out to him asking for help. He took it and I stood in front of him and walked into the kitchen to get some ice for my tender jaw.

"Fine, I'm surprised it went that well actually." I said as I pulled out an ice pack and wrapped it in a towel and gently touched it to my face. She had a mean punch but I wasn't surprised she got out of her father's house she had to be strong.

"Do you have anywhere to go Bella?" he asked and I smiled at him. I laughed it was oddly perfect timing really. I had another option the day I have the chance to change my world. I wonder how long it will last.

"I do. Billy Black is going to be my guardian and I am going to live in my old house." I answered and realised I had very little that I had to pack. I didn't care much for things and only really had clothes, music and books to pack.

"Good." He replied and I looked at him waiting for the question I saw in him. I arched an eyebrow and leaned against the countertop making it clear I was waiting for him. "You know I have questions for you? I understand your hesitance to answer my questions last time and I can only assure you that I will keep what you tell me between us." he asked amused and interested and very curious.

"I know you will, I can see you doing harm to another, and trust me I am not ill just different. The questions are written all over you and thanks for understanding." I said knowing for a blind person I had just made a joke, a really bad one. Smirking I put the ice on the counter and walked towards him standing a foot away I stopped and touched his left arm looking up into his face. "Ask the one that is always bouncing around in there." He didn't seem surprised when I touched his forehead with my other hand and released him after.

"What and how do you see with your eyes closed and why?" he asked and I chuckled so many questions all rolled into one.

"You know I'll answer more than one. But I see in another way, how? I haven't the fuzziest idea. And why do I live behind closed eyes? Because there is a cost to opening my eyes and I am not the one to pay it. Why am I like this? my mother gave me a gift that never turns off. I am not crazy. I am schizophrenic in a basic way but my life is mine." I told him and he nodded.

"Different how?" he asked and I hopped up on the counter again.

"I see auras, of people, places, and things. Well more like feel, it's never exactly like what you see but mostly." I answered thinking about the water and how the colors change between the two sights the most. Water is shifting changing living and I loved that about it.

"What does my aura look like?" he asked and I knew this question had a great importance to him but then I could see so it was obvious.

"You're brighter, more defined than most. I've never seen one quite like yours before." I answered as he stared at me, realising that I knew he was different. "You have nothing to worry about from me, different people stick together right?"

"What do you know about me?" he asked worried and I don't think it's for himself. He didn't want to put me at risk; my life did that to me enough to understand trying to prevent it for others.

"Not much, your aura is strong but I don't know if it matches you, I have a friend who has a brighter aura and it matches him perfectly. Your cold, have better senses, your eyes change colours, your pale, and I can't feel your heart beat." I answered as I looked at him, maybe because he was so bright his aura didn't pulse with his heart beat.

"You said before 'no sight so no stolen knowledge,' what did you mean?" he asked and I wondered why he changed the subject must have hit a nerve.

"I see everything with my eyes open. When I say everything I mean everything, your history your soul." I answered and he looked at me fiercely as if I had the answers to questions that had bothered him for most of his life.

"Soul?" he asked and I nodded. What else do you call the very essence of a person? I mean the history part was freaky enough but to know a person so completely is intense, Jake was the only one I could look at and that's because I met him as a child and watched him grow. Carlisle's face was blank as he fought with himself over something.

"You want me to look at you and yet you don't." I stated as I thought of Billy nearly asking me to a few years back. I had told him that I would know every part of him that I would see everything, after a few days he let it go.

"It would be interesting to see what you would see but the cost to you would be high." He answered not denying what he was thinking. I shook my head and wondered why people wanted to see everything, to know everything. To know what a person thought, experienced when you had no right to just seemed like a huge invasion.

"What would the cost be other than knowledge I don't have a right to?" I asked was he apart of something that hunts down those with knowledge. Suddenly the wives tales that Jacob had heard about the Cullens flashed through my mind. I had thought nothing of them but then Jacob's aura started to get stronger and had a wolf had started to appear. "Your a vampire." I told him and he looked shocked and wary. "My friend Jake has a stronger aura, it's been changing the last few years but I didn't think anything of it until a wolf started to appear at his side. He's been told legends about you and your family."

"You saw the legends through him?" he asked intrigued, I was still trying to process what I had just learned. The man that stands before me, a doctor was a vampire. His entire family were vampires, interesting and yet odd. I mean the legends tell of horrible beauty that destroyed and murdered and yet I couldn't see Carlisle killing someone. Only the basics and the regular stories came back to me, and it didn't explain the man that had healed me.

"You aren't like the story of the third wife, and yet I know there's something that I have forgotten about you." I told him trying to bring up Jake's memories in my head.

"We do not consume human blood, only animal." He said and I nodded as it only made sense. I mean to feed off of humans and yet to be a doctor didn't.

"You must have wicked control. Cause of the whole bloodlust thing." I said impressed.

"Years of practice." He said smiling, "Since you know my secret may I ask a favour of you?" I tilted my head and waited for him to continue. "Will you look at me?" I had known he was going to ask but I had no idea what my answer was.

"I will know everything about you." I told him unsure of this; he understood my sight and yet still wanted me to look at him.

"I am uncertain if you will see anything, my mind is different." He said though I got the 'I may not have a soul' sigh.

"I see dead monsters that roam without bodies, I think vampires aren't different enough from humans to affect me Carlisle." I told him and there was a flash of something in his eyes before I bowed my head. "Not here, this place is tainted by a dead man that hated what he should have loved." Hopping off the counter I chucked the ice pack in the sink and took his hand walking out into the back garden and towards the edge of the woods.

"You see...?" he started to ask as I abruptly turned back and looked up at him eyes wide open. My head rang sharply as his life flashed before my eyes. From a small golden haired boy looking up to his father to the young man watching as his father died to the pain of resisting the blood that called to him to Edward, Esme, Rosalie, Emmet, the wolves, and Alice and Jasper. Most of it passed quickly and I couldn't hold the knowledge before it was gone and I forgot the details.

The man I looked up into was more than the young doctor who cared for me while I healed. He was a father of children he had made into his image and a devote husband to the woman he had saved; he was kind, compassionate and loved his family and all life deeply. He led with strength and would do nearly anything to protect his family. His thirst for knowledge and to better himself had led the pastor's son to become a doctor.

I had lost my balance while all this played out in my head and I held onto his arms and rested my face on his chest. My stomach was rolling and I fought to stay looking at him. It was a rush to say nothing else. His life was full and interesting but filled with life and love, the things I had thought I lost a long time ago. In that moment I hated the man in front on me and pushed away my eyes closing on his beauty.

I stumbled and met ground but he had known I didn't want him to touch me. I wanted the pain of landing on my knees on the harsh earth. The pain was real was just another part of my life. It was something I knew and had come to accept. His life was a dream I had longed for but knew would never be mine. He had a dream, a fairy tale and I wanted nothing more to rip it away from him and take it for myself. As soon as I thought it my mind cleared and I wept for my longing.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

_His life was a dream I had longed for but knew would never be mine. He had a dream, a fairy tale and I wanted nothing more to rip it away from him and take it for myself. As soon as I thought it my mind cleared and I wept for my longing._

****

"I'm sorry, so very sorry." Carlisle said as he moved to kneel in front of me. I opened my eyes again and looked into his face and smiled at him.

"You have so much life and love, it wraps itself around you. I have not seen such a thing, I hate you for it." I told him and he looked confused and apologetic. "I have been surround by death and pain for so long that I envy you, it is I who should ask for forgiveness." Tears continued down my face as I looked up at him, I let his essence fill the air around me.

_Close your eyes Bella, many have come to see you._

I snapped my eyes closed and pushed up off the ground, the tears drying on my face as I took Carlisle's hand and dragged him into the house. My heart raced as I moved to pack up the few things I would want to have with me. Most of my things would stay behind but I would take what I could not leave.

"What's the matter Bella?" Carlisle asked as I ran about my room and collect my things and threw them into a bag.

"They come." I told him my voice cracking. "I see echoes of what was and they see me." I shivered and moved more quickly, if many came the pull to look at them would win out. The human mind always looks at what it most wishes not to see.

"You fear them? Can they hurt you?" he asked me feeling my panic and adrenalin.

"I fear them, they came to me when I was little, for years there were but moments of peace. They can't touch but they play their essences and histories over and over again before my eyes. I would take oblivion over that, I would take a slow painful death over that in less than a second." I told him pushing my past away from the front of my mind. I finished packing and Carlisle looked worried.

"Are you going somewhere alone?" he asked and I nodded as we moved down the stairs. I wouldn't go to Jake's because if they follow me they could destroy that place for me. My old house had stood against them once it could and would do it again. "I am not sure if it is wise for you to be trapped there alone." I saw the point but where else could I go that would work. Hotels are out when you scream and public places aren't any better.

"There is no where else to go. My home has always held my parents love and that won't let things get too bad." I told him, and I smiled at Ren and she kept her eyes on things I couldn't see yet. Carlisle noticed my look and arched an eyebrow. "My mother is with me." I told him and opened the front door and dropped my bag as I looked at my bike. I had completely forgotten that I had the bike, not helpful.

"I could follow you?" Carlisle asked and I looked at him and nodded.

"If you don't mind, drive a bike with luggage just doesn't sound safe." I said and he nodded taking the bag and putting into the back of his Mercedes. "Nice car." I said as I pulled my helmet on and started up the bike walking it forward.

He smiled and started his car up as I drove down the street and made sure he was following behind me. I kicked the bike forward and drove at my normal faster than legal speed and knew it was 20 under what Carlisle and the others drove. The drive was quick and soon we were pulling up to my old house. I parked the bike in the garage with the truck and my Audi R8 4.2 and the old truck that my mom bought off of Billy two years before she passed.

"Nice car." He said parroting me from before and I smile. Stroking down the side of my pretty deep blue Audi.

"I have death money so I bought her for the sake on not wanting to get drenched everyday." I answered and he looked unnerved. I opened the front door and led him into the log cabin looking house. It was our second house, mom wanted to live more isolated and this was what dad found. It was two stories with exposed beams and lovely dark wood walls. Lots of windows to let light in but it was perfect and homey.

"You have a lovely home." He said and I smiled up at him and pointed to the floor by the door and he placed the bag there.

"It is, but the garden is the best I wonder if it survived." I said walking to the stairs in the kitchen that led down. Carlisle followed me but looked confused when I went down stairs. The light was still on since I never stopped paying the bills for this place. The plants were wilder but still very much alive. The moss covered the ground and the ivy had climbed the support pillars like giant trees. The flowers were lovely but not blooming yet.

"Beautiful." Carlisle commented as he took in my underground garden.

"I couldn't go in the back yard once I was sighted but my mom had already built this place for herself so it became my haven too." I told him as I reached down and stroke a few of the blooms, the tulips would pop open soon. This place though I hadn't come in far too long was still the Eden I remember well. Opening my eyes to take in the true beauty of this strange idea, the colours were sharper and slightly different but still breath taking.

"It is a beautiful place and good that you and she had it." He said and I turned back to look at him nodding. He was happy that I could bear to look at him and see the supposed monster he was.

"Your not a monster and in truth you are easier to look at then most above the age of 8." I answered his thoughts and then chided myself for speaking so openly to him. Edward reacted this way and it was hard not to mimic him. I wonder what it would be like to meet the mind reader in person. I felt the question as I looked away from him. "The mind holds many more secrets around that age I feel intrusive and cruel when I look at them." I told him as I looked around me and knelt to brush my hand over the moss.

"I suppose it would be easier to see someone that does not try to hide who they are with basic and constant lies, but I was unaware that 8 was the age that changed." He spoke and I chuckled.

"Some are always open but others do much to hide themselves. Fear and insecurities make them think it needed. Emmet would be someone open and Rose closed." I told him and in those words told him that I knew the things most personal to him. His children were now known to me as they were to him. "Not sure about Alice but perhaps Edward would feel akin to me." I smiled wondering what it would be to be around those like me. It would be weird and comforting I believe.

_First is would be suspicion and unease. They do not know you child, and we fear what we know nothing of. I am glad though that this one is not what you first thought, a man with in an echo. Still he and those like him may be dangerous so I suggestion caution._

"Bella?" Carlisle asked and I looked to him eyebrows raised, "You zoned out like Alice does, are you alright?" he was much closer to me than I had realised. I nodded and blushed lightly.

"Sorry, Ren was speaking." I told him and he looked confused, "My mother she walks with me, quite literally." This made more sense to him, like me seeing a ghost wasn't the oddest thing in the world. Then again I was having this conversation with a vampire born in the 1640's.

"She is with you always?" he asked and I nodded silently letting my close I was not used to having them open all the time.

"I hear her always but I only see clearly her when my eyes are closed." I told him as I walked towards him and the stairs. "The first echo or soul I saw was my father's shortly after he died." As we walked up the stairs I felt a shift that was new and odd so I stopped dead. "That isn't right..." I muttered I felt as though I were dreaming. No longer active in the environment around me, it was vague and unsettling.

I turned and looked to find Carlisle looking up at me obviously not sensing what I was. Ren was no where in sight and I wondered if something was wrong. "Do you sense anything?" I asked Carlisle while my heart raced.

"No, I don't hear or smell anything." He told me confused but more intent on his environment then a moment before. I drew a slow breath and reopened my eyes, my heart was hammering in my chest and my ears were ringing. Turning very slowly I walked forward and into my kitchen looking for something I didn't want to see.

There was nothing and so I began to search the house, it was empty. Nothing was here and yet I knew, simply knew there was. Carlisle had followed me like a shadow worry etched into his features as he watched me move about. Opening the back door I walked into the garden and found what I was feeling. Ren stood motionless in front of the shapeless dark. I fought not to close my eyes but took a step backwards.

_It will not move away from here._

Her voice shook and her figure was just a blur so I couldn't really see her. Slowly I closed my eyes and caught the shape of the dark more oddly. Normally it worked the other way around. It was like a very large dog, or wolf the image faded until it was darkness again only this time I could still make out eyes. Ren was blocking its path but it made no move to come forward it merely stared behind me.

"Carlisle what would you make of a really large wolf that is as dark brown that is staring at you?" I asked and at first I had spoken to softly when I stepped beside me.

"I would say hello Ephraim Black." He told me and as the words flowed out the dog thing bowed.

"You mean Jacob's great grand father?" I asked startled for a moment until I remembered the treaty. "Oh yeah that would make sense." Carlisle's past was too much for me and I knew that it wouldn't stay without me looking at him often. Over 3 and ½ centuries are too much for my mind to hold. But the things closest to him were still vivid; I think if I wanted to I could be a surgeon. His family were also still clear but there were large gapes in the rest.

"Is he harming you?" he asked and I shook my head.

"No just standing there." I told him coming back to reality Ren took a few steps away from him and he walked forward and sat in front of Carlisle. Watching me Carlisle seemed to know where the animal was. "What do you need?" I asked it and it didn't even look at me, it only had eyes for Carlisle. Sitting for a few minutes it left such as randomly as it came like a reminder.

"Has it left?" he asked and I nodded pointing where it had walked off. I really don't get animals. "I wonder what that was about." He asked as confused as I was. I shrugged.

"As long as he does force horrible images at me I'm good." I told him as I turned back to the house. Could today just end already?


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Carlisle asked question after question and I answered to the best of my ability but something's I just don't know. I mean the origin of the gift, if it was genetic, I honestly didn't know. When you spend your whole life hiding something you do your best to ignore it. Then of course what was it that I saw, okay how do you describe feeling sight to some one who has never seen it for themselves? You can't or you spend half an hour going in circles trying.

It was nearly twelve and starting a new day when I heard a knock on the door and Carlisle smiled at me. Walking over to open it I wasn't completely surprised to see Alice and Edward as well as Esme. Smiling I pulled the door completely open and motioned for them to enter. Edward stared at me oddly but moved into the room with the others. Alice bounced and hugged me as we walked into the front room. It was just big enough for all of us to sit comfortably.

"Edward probably won't talk since you smell too good to him." Alice commented and I arched an eyebrow wondering how badly I must smell to affect him. I nodded my eyes wanted to peak out at them and see if what Carlisle saw in them matched them as perfectly as I thought it would. Of course I managed to keep them closed but still the light was far more tempting then it had been in quite a while.

None of the lights were on since I thought it foolish since neither of us needed them. I could see them perfectly and they could see every detail still so why add pointless light? I sat in daddies chair and looked over them smiling. Carlisle opened his mouth to introduce them when I giggled slightly Alice joining me after a moment.

"It's nice to meet you Alice, and Edward and of course Esme." I said laughter still in my voice. Carlisle smiled and shook his head.

"I know that you know and yet I feel the need to explain." He told me and I shrugged. It wasn't like he had told me I had seen it. Try to remember everything you've said and done and then not told but had some one experience.

"No need. But I understand completely try lying to a mother that only had to see you to know what you had done and intended to do." I said smiling as Ren chuckled next to me, I turned slightly to look at her and she shook her head a smile gracing her face. Carlisle smiled at that as did the rest of them.

"It's nice to meet you too, and we are totally going to be like sisters." Alice squealed and bounced in her seat. I smiled but raised an eyebrow.

"I don't shop Alice." I told her and she glared at me. "Well not for very long or seriously." I told her and she frowned.

"I'll just have to teach you better." She told me like she was scolding a child that had stolen a cookie before dinner. I smiled at that and shrugged.

"You are taking all of this rather well." Esme commented happily and I smiled.

"Vampires are not the scariest things; sides you all seem to glow like you're kissed by the sun and not surrounded by the dark." I told her trying to explain that she wasn't something I feared because they had given me no reason to fear them.

"You truly believe what you see are our souls?" Edward asked and I noticed that he was out of air now. I wonder if he would take a breath or not.

"I don't know what else you would call it. I mean I can see plants, animals and things but none of them tell me anything like people or echoes do." I told him honestly. I shrugged I wasn't the expert on souls I only know so much and Ren said that even she didn't have an answer as to what was what.

"I believe you see the essence of a person and so that would be the soul of that being." Carlisle stated and I shrugged it was the best I could come up with but it might not be truth. Alice nodded to Edward and he took a breath slow and braced. His eyes darkened dramatically as he sat there ridge and uncomfortable, I truly affected Edward greatly.

I stood and opened the windows so that the scent of my blood would not be so intense. The final door I opened led to the basement and then I reclaimed my seat as he looked at me. It was thankful for my actions and yet spiteful that I would tempt him so much that he contemplated hurting me.

"I am sorry that my scent is so appealing to you Edward but I can not change my scent at will. Though I must say I am baffled at the strength of your reaction to me." I said as I grimaced.

"It is not your fault." He said simply and I smiled at his attempt. Vaguely I wondered if this was the pull that the echoes felt towards me and those sighted.

_Perhaps it is a thought I shall ponder._

I smiled at her and nodded. Edward and Esme looked confused but Alice smiled. I suppose the future seeing pixy was aware of my mother's presence.

"Her mother spoke to her just then. I was wondering who was speaking when I had a vision of this." She said and bounced in place. It gave her a very youthful jubilance that made me smile. Even as old as she was she found ways to stay young.

"You heard her voice?" I asked curious as Alice tilted her head.

"Not really I heard your voice, almost as a reflection of her speech." She told me and I nodded. It made sense that she would feel Ren's decision to speak but not hear her voice. "And your right I do feel a kinship with you." I smiled at her and blushed. I had forgotten that she could see me as I interacted with Carlisle and such.

"I'm glad. Though I must say it is very strange to have others similar to what I am exist. You see and he hears it is..." I said as Edward's voice cut me off.

"I hear nothing from you." He told me and I looked at him head tilted. I wonder if it is because of Ren or my sight?

"I can't say I'm displeased." I answered honestly, "What I experience should be kept to myself." Edward looked as though he understood. I smiled and yawned as time caught up to me. It was a little after one but the day had been a long one. So far the echoes had not found the house I hoped it would last a little longer so I could rest peacefully.

"We have kept you up." Esme said and Carlisle and the others stood and moved towards the door as I rose to join them. Alice hugged me as she and Edward moved out of the house. "Now you phone us if you need anything. I don't like the idea of you living here alone." Her voice was the perfect tone of motherly worry and I smiled at her.

"I don't have your numbers." I stated as Carlisle handed me a slip of paper with a bunch of numbers and names. I smiled and tucked the paper into my pocket. "I'll call, but feel free to call here 360 374 3152." I told them as I yawned yet again. "I'm a little phone phobic so phoning me might be best." It was honest and both seemed to realise as they smiled and waved goodbye as I closed the door waving back. I felt like I had been awake for months rather than the few hours it had been. That's what you get for not sleeping right; hopefully I will be able to correct that tonight.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

The phone was ringing shrilly as I finally untangled myself from the sheets in my parent's old room. I grabbed the phone and picked up wondering who and why someone was phoning me when I only just fell asleep.

"Swan residence?" I answered and loved how that simple phrase sounded. As I spoke I had walked to the window and noticed that it was late in the day.

"Hello Bella." Alice's voice was worried and I froze in place what was wrong?

"What's the matter Alice?" I asked fear creeping into my voice. I tried to dismiss this as her trying to get me to go shopping but she was aware of my lack of sleep so that didn't make sense.

"We were worried it's been three days and you didn't answer your phone I know you were sleeping but well..." her voice trailed off and my eyes went wide. Three days! I looked over at Ren and she nodded to me as I sat down trying to process how I could have slept for three days.

"It's okay Alice thanks for the call." I answered automatically and hung up. Only after I put the phone down did I realise I had just hung up on her, oops. Tossing aside my lack of manners I concentrated on how I had slept so long and how I hadn't dreamed in that length of time.

_You were dreaming but you don't recall. I do not know what you saw but it disturbed you greatly. They phoned several times over the last two days but you never seemed to hear the phone, Jacob and Billy also._

I picked the phone up again and quickly dialled their number and prayed I wasn't in trouble for being out of contact so long. The phone rang and rang but no one answered so I hung up. Moving downstairs I went to the old answering machine and pressed play. The only messages were from Billy and Jacob telling me to phone them back immediately. Trying again I got no answer, where were they?

Grabbing the keys for the Audi I drove down to the reservation and parked in front of the Black house. I knocked on the door and received no answer, beginning to panic I opened the door which was almost never locked and walked inside. It looked like it always did; nothing told me where they were. Walking around I saw no one and so headed back to my car and back home.

I was sitting in dad's chair as I let my fears consume me. I was worrying over nothing and it was silly but I couldn't get the sick thought of them being hurt or missing out of my head. Ren tried to comfort me but nothing worked I sat there in the dark and worried. After a while I fell into a numb timeless feeling and the day passed me by.

****

The cold hand on my shoulder brought me back to reality. Carlisle looked down at me and I manage a fake smile in return. I was grateful that I wasn't alone in the house any more, that someone else was here in this place. For a while I began to think that I was the only one left in the universe.

"How are you Bella?" he asked as he knelt in front of me. Worry etched his features and I immediately felt silly. I was causing a big deal out of the Black's being out somewhere.

"I'm fine." I said but my voice didn't sound right to my ears and I know he didn't believe me in the slightest. "I just freaked myself out over Billy and Jacob." Carlisle grimaced and looked like he had news that wasn't good. "What?"

"Sarah has brought up accusations against your sanity." He told me voice soft and comforting while his words sent chills down my spine. "Billy and Jacob went to contest it. They left this morning, Alice would have told you if you hadn't hung up." I blushed at that but I was lost in the thoughts of being forced into a psychiatric ward.

"She'll put me away." I told him tears beginning to follow down my face. "All it takes in a polygraph and I go on meds that won't work and then stronger and stronger meds until I'm not me any more." My voice broke several times as I spoke and I shook scared.

"She has no proof Bella. And with the accusations already against her no one will believe her." He told me trying to calm me down but I shook my head.

"My mother was nuts and I told the truth when I was younger, I told them I saw what she did. It's all written up, that's all the proof needed for me to be remanded to assisted living and medications." I told him desperately planning a way to get out of this. Pushing myself out of the chair I paced and tried to think, Carlisle grabbed me and held me to his chest. I fought him afraid, so very afraid.

"Bella calmed down. I won't let that happen. If it is needed I will testify against her claims." He told me as I started to go limp, tears streamed down my face as I shook my head. I knew that once this accusation came to light I would never be allowed to live on my own. There will be check ups and tests. I would live with the claim until I was old enough to be a legal adult and perhaps after.

"They'll use everything against me, my closed eyes, the old injuries, and my mother. You don't understand I'll loose everything because no one in their right mind lets a potentially unstable person live on their own. I can't ask that of Billy, even giving him money it's not fair to basically demand it. I won't and so I'll be a ward of the state once again." My voice was calm, empty and utterly broken. The tears began to fade and I felt numb, lost and so very alone. Sarah took everything, I should have known better than to think that just because some pieces fell into place that life would let me have it.

"I'll find away Bella, I promise." He vowed and I looked up at him shaking my head.

"Don't, it's not a promise that you can keep. And your not a liar Carlisle." I told him as I collected myself and waited to be taken from everything. I wanted to sleep forever if only to believe that when I woke it would be like before. That my parents would be there and love me, that I would be normal, not gifted, not special, average and plain.

I walked up stairs and collapsed on my bed pulling my old stuffed hippo to my chest as I begged for this to be a dream any thing but reality. Carlisle stood in my doorway for a while and then my body began to relax and I forgot everything. It was the nothingness I longed for that frightened me, what would I wake to find?


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

The stillness woke me, and the light of day played on the back of my eyelids. Both thankful to be out of the dark and pissed that I was still here, trapped in the nightmare about to come. I had no options not really, I could let my world end with curious glances and doctors or I could simple not go.

_Don't do this Bella. There are better options, nothing they can do to you is worse than this. Please we'll find another way!_

I felt her desperation but I wouldn't go down that path. She was strong enough to let everyone believe her mad but I couldn't not when I saw what it did to her. Even Charlie couldn't prevent me from seeing the looks, and her fading spirit. Those images cut me deeply and I wouldn't experience the other side of becoming nothing, I don't think I would survive. I would rather die by my own hand then slowly completely unaware.

The knife was just as sharp as I remember it, with its small chip in the blade. I didn't hesitate as I drew it harshly across my skin. It bit into me as I gasped sharply and the pain was great but nothing new. The long gash down my arm bled deeply and I swallowed back the bile. Switching hands I fought to keep a firm grip on the knife as I pulled over the skin of my other arm. Tears fell as I screamed from the pain and dropped the knife. I pushed myself into the kitchen cupboards and wept for my losses and managing to save myself from one more.

_Baby, oh Baby._

Her voice was as filled with tears as my eyes; I smiled at her light headed and raised my arms out to her. My heavy eyelids closed and I thought at her 'I love you mommy, and daddy. I'm sorry that everything went wrong, I'm sorry I'm not strong enough to survive what you did. This is for the best I swear this is for the best.'

"Bella!" Carlisle screamed and I turned my head looking at him and my destroyed back door. I blinked a few times and wondered why he was here, how he knew. He was moving so fast and at first I didn't notice Esme helping him. I batted his arms away but he didn't react to it. Frowning I pushed myself away from him.

"Bella, we're trying to help you." Esme told me and then went back to holding her breath before leaving the kitchen all together.

"I... don't need help." I said trying to sound strong and sure but that didn't sway Carlisle and he wrapped a towel over my arms and picked me up. I squirmed but I was really tired and eventually just leaned into him and tried to sleep.

"Stay with me Bella!" Carlisle shouted and I jumped startled by his harsh tone. I blink my closed eyes and shook my head before the blackness behind my eye lids came. I could hear murmurs but ignored them as I was pulled under.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

The dark seemed to destroy my pain and for a time I felt and thought nothing. Time was meaningless and I waited for hell to take me in or to become an echo. That would be funny actually I have seen them my whole life and then I die and become one. This amused me to no end and I giggled in a sense that I let the funniness fill me so that would be hysterical laughter or a giggle? I mean no sound was made so that means what?

****

My mouth felt like sand paper worst case of dry mouth ever. I moved to get more comfortable and realised I wasn't where I thought I was. Taking in my environment I realised I was in the hospital it was a different room from last time and I could feel the heart monitor and wrapping and stitches in my arms. Everything flooded passed me and the anger of failure and humiliation filled me.

The heart monitor told everyone so I ripped it off and tried to get out of the bed. A nurse came running and I backed away from her and tried to think passed the anger. But all I could think was I even failed at this, I was useless and broken and it was enough for me but they all wanted to taken the scraps left of my life and leave me with nothing. I screamed at the nurse shouting and throwing anything I could get my hands on. How dare they? I chanted over and over in my head.

_Bella you need to calm down. They will think you've lost it and sedate you. Please baby girl don't do this!_

I shook my head and banged my hands against my head trying to get Ren's words out of my head. The nurse came forward and I threw the bed pan at her missing but she backed up hands up. She called out the door for some help and a bunch of footsteps followed. They couldn't do this, I was sane I was a person how dare they make my choices for me!

"Stay away from me!" I screeched and the nurse fell back against the wall shocked. Carlisle stood in the door way with a sad expression on his face and I was ashamed but so angry. He had taken me here, stripped the last of my life from me. I threw myself at him and hit him with all my strength which did nothing but hurt me. He wrapped his arms around me and held me against him as I screamed and kicked. "Why? Why?" I scream over and over until tears flooded my eyes and I collapsed into him. He let us slip to the floor and rubbed my back.

"There was no other choice, Bella you were bleeding to death." He told me and I could hear tears in his voice. Guilt and shame filled me washing the final bits of anger from me. I shook with their strength and clung to Carlisle. Would he ever forgive me for this? Was it possible that he would still help me when I had proven Sarah right in every way?

_He will help you baby he's been doing that all along. Trust him, let him help you. _

The pain was still in her voice and I knew that I had hurt her deeply. I wept in his arms and hated myself for what I had done to those around me. There was no one but myself to blame for this and I knew that my future was laid in Carlisle hands. I wonder what he will decide, not that I have a choice but whatever he chooses I will do for him.

"Clear the room please people." Carlisle said and I waited for him to begin this conversation. I trembled in his arms and he held me to him as he stood and moved us to the bed. He sat beside me after he place me on the bed, he was silent.

"I'm sorry." I told him as I fiddled with my hands, he sighed but didn't speak. He was angry and disappointed and I had no idea what he would do in reaction to me. I pulled my knees to my chest and rested my head on my knees and waited tense and vulnerable.

"You scared me Bella. Why did you try to take your own life?" he asked and his voice held his emotions as he spoke. Turning my head I looked at him and saw the stress I had caused this wonderful man. I opened and closed my mouth several times but nothing came out. "I told you I would help you, there was no need for this Bella." His voice shook and shame filled me once more.

"It was the only way." I told him my voice small and squeaky. "My mother saved me once from being 'treated' and I saw what it did to her. I don't want to live if I'm not there any more, if I'm not me. I've watched my mother slip away before and nothing scares me more. I would watch echo after echo to forget the lifeless look in her eyes." I tightened my grip on my legs as I spoke tears running down my face.

"This wasn't the answer Bella. There are other options, you don't have to die to prevent that from happening." He told me but I shook my head, how could he know? This wasn't something he had to worry about constantly. "Promise me that you will never do this again." His voice was stern and angry; I looked at him as I rubbed my eyes. I couldn't promise him that, it would be a lie.

"Promise me!" he shouted and I jumped at the sound startled. He grasped my arms and turned me to look at him. "Open your eyes and promise me you won't do this again!" I shook my head and tears fell from my eyes as I hiccupped and sniffled.

_Promise him and me Bella. Please it's an easy request please, baby._

I turned to look at her and my heart broke to she her so hurt, I had done this to them. I could promise him this and mean it couldn't I? Something in me knew that this was the right thing to do but I couldn't believe that I would be saved from loosing myself if I went in hospital.

"Please Bella." Esme's said her voice carrying from the door way as she walked in and sat on the other side of me. I looked at her and my throat tightened I was a fool to hurt them so. If my promise could take the haunted looks from their eyes I will do it. Turning so that I was facing Carlisle I opened my eyes slowly.

"I promise." I said as I watched the passed few days filled with worry and hurt. Guilt filled me and I cried again sobbing as I closed my eyes and resting my head on his chest. Esme rubbed gentle circles on my back and hummed a song as I tried to calm down. Why did they care so much? Was it simply because I knew what they were and accepted it without freaking out?

When I finally pulled myself together Carlisle and Esme told me what I had missed. Sarah's accusations were founded only when I hurt myself but I'm not going to be hospitalized for it. Instead I have been put in Carlisle's care, meaning that he will be my legal guardian and have authority over my future. He told me that he had asked the court to put me in his care but I still can't figure out why. I know he's kind and compassionate but isn't it a risk to have me near the others all the time?

"The one thing I must stipulate on is that you not live alone." Carlisle said after a moments pause, I looked up at him and tilted my head. What does that mean? "If you still want to live in your house that's fine but I would like someone to be there with you. I don't mind filling that duty."

"I would happily help dear." Esme said and I looked between the two and wondered how two people from different times could fit so perfectly together.

"And I'm sure Jacob wouldn't mind staying over some nights also." I added, trying to make this easier on the two people that seemed to be thrust into my life. They smiled happy that I was going along with their idea, not that I really had a choice. "I don't want you to have to stay with me and be away from your family. I mean it's not fair that you have to watch me..."

"Its no trouble Bella, we just want to make sure that your safe." Esme told me gently as she brushed my hair away from my face. "You could always spend the night with us, in our home?"

"If you would be comfortable, I'm sure that if you want to have your eyes open that if you ask some will be willing..." Carlisle spoke and I stared at him behind my eyelids eyebrow arched.

"I wouldn't mind in the slightest." Esme said and I turned to her baffled my mouth opening and closing. "I would only warn you about what you already know from looking at Carlisle." I sat there stunned and slightly uncomfortable. What do you say when someone who understands what it is to be seen by me says they don't mind.

"Really?" I asked and she smiled as she nodded and slowly giving her time to change her mind I opened my eyes. She's beautiful, the mental image matched perfectly and yet she was prettier than I had realised. I smiled at her as her life flashed before my eyes thankfully less than Carlisle's years. The feeling was less intense. She had been hurt and lost her son, I was amazed by the strength of the woman in front of me.

"Not too horrible I hope." She said as I looked at her, I can only imagine the expression on my face. Probably shocked and amazed. Finally I saw her seeing me and my face was blank and yet curious, random factoid.

"Ghastly," I said with a smile on my lips. She was a perfect match and it was no wonder that the two had fallen in love with each other. Mother, it was the only word I could think of for the passionate way that she loved everyone and even more strongly loved her family. Just like Carlisle her desire to do anything for her family was over powering. "I can't imagine loving or being loved so strongly." I told her and she smiled at me.

"It's a gift." She answered and Carlisle chuckled behind me.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

The next two days were spent with me in hospital doing nothing. Literally. I wanted to kill something I was so bored. Couldn't they bring a magazine or a book or something! Well I guess since 'I'm blind' they would be useless as would a TV. Drat. Jacob and Billy visited which was nice but much too short a stay. They were happy that Carlisle was going to be my guardian they seemed to have a higher opinion of him because of it. I remember Billy warning me about him indirectly when they first moved here.

It was Esme that made the days more manageable, she brought weird little food things. Like scones and soup, the other day she brought me a home made sandwich, tuna which was crazy good. She would stay and talk with me for a few hours before heading off to the rest of her day. The set up was that I could stay for no longer than two days by myself in the house a week. Jacob agreed to come up on the weekends and so that left three days at the Cullens.

I suggested Monday and Tuesday and Thursday which they said would work. I didn't want to stay three days in a row in case I was too much to handle. I didn't want to really bother Edward or Jasper. That left Wednesday and Friday in my old house. I wonder how this was going to work, pack a bag? I would be there more than at home so would I move some of my stuff there? Oh well we would work the kinks out after the first week. When I left the hospital it would be Tuesday so I would sleep at their place.

Since it was only late night Monday I was staring at the ceiling counting to a hundred for the thousandth time trying to fall asleep. Carlisle had poked his head in when he left for the night. It was incredibly kind of him but I felt like such a burden. They only had to do this since I flipped out, part of me wishes that I hadn't failed the other part just hates the situation that I got myself into.

When sleep finally pulled me down I was standing in the middle of the south. It was the vampire wars down here that drew a lot of my nights. So many died in so many different forms. Tonight was what looked like the final battle, it was interesting but I didn't really want to see it. A blond haired vampire caught my eye and I saw Jasper leading his arm into the battle. I knew he had been apart of it, that he was essentially a general in this war for a long time but to see it was completely different. I wonder why I hadn't seen him before now.

He fought valiantly and destroyed all in his path. He was a very skilled warrior. I would have to tell him so when I met him next. I hadn't told them about the dreams but I am sure that would be the easier part to accept in the grand scheme of things. For the first time in many years I found myself following the story before me with great interest. This was the past so I knew that Jasper lived but it was fascinating to watch him and see what his tactics were.

I felt a light touch and came back to reality while Jasper lit fires to exterminate the last of the opponents. Turning my head slightly I saw Esme smiling down at me. Returning her smile I stretched and sat up in the bed.

"Morning." I said as my voice cracked from sleep. I cleared my throat gently trying to regain my voice.

"Morning. Carlisle has signed all of the paper work so I am free to remove you from the hospital." She told me and I bounced happy to be free of this boring and relentless place.

"Sounds great! Now I just need to dress and we can get out of here." I said as I nearly leapt off the bed. Esme chuckled at my antics and I just smiled back. I was too happy to care about anything but getting out.

"Alice picked these out for you." She told me as she handed me a bag of new clothes. I looked at it and shook my head.

"Those are new; I have the clothes I was wearing right...?" I said and then realised they were probably blood covered and thrown away. Esme shook her head and I reluctantly took the bag and hunted through it wondering what Alice bought me. There was no point in fighting Alice and her shopping. All and all it was decent clothing that I would actually wear.

As I dressed I thought about actually living with vampires. I was going to need things that they don't even think about. Food, washing, or sleep this was a bigger burden to them then I had originally thought. Well I hadn't thought I had been excited not to have to go to a mental institution or a psych ward. Alice had picked blue as the colour for me today and I couldn't say I disagreed with her; it looked really nice on me.

"Let's blow this pop stand." I called as I walked out of the bathroom. Esme looked up and smiled at me.

"You look lovely." She told me as we walked out of the room.

"Well I am dressed by Alice." I said with a smile and shake of my head. "I really have to teach her about restraint." It was a common thought for Carlisle and I couldn't help but agree.

"You sounded quite like Carlisle when you said that." Esme giggled and I shrugged.

"Hey you think so too. Sides great minds think alike." I told her still smiling at her. I had to watch what I said or else I could say something uncomfortable for her or Carlisle. I'm sure that if I had added the 'if it didn't make her so happy' to it she would have been a little unnerved.

"Thank you." She replied and I smiled and bounced a little as Alice would before going shopping and Esme laughed with me. We walked out to her car and I got in wondering if it would be as hard as it had been with Jake not to mimic him in his home. There were many days when I would do something just because it was such a normal act for Jake that I didn't realise.

I would definitely be staying away from Carlisle's study just in case. No need to completely weird out the vampire family that seems to enjoy helping out humans. Especially the slight odd if not insane ones like me.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: hey reading peoples... I am sorry to note that i am not as focused on US... unwilling sighted as before, i have been putting a lot of time into LA (little archangel) and ignoring my other works. SORRY! and between this story and Bast i am tied up with everything else. I have another chapter for you guys which will be up in a few days once i look it over again. I will schedule, sadly needed, some more time for US and hopefully a few days after the posting of the next chapter i will have another for you! I will try to get back to posting more reuglarly! **

**May**

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Chapter 14

I knew the roads we took though I had never been on them, I saw the turn though I had never used it. The house was just the same and felt like home though not once had I entered the lovely white house. In the moments that we drove down the drive I felt so completely out of my depth that it frightened me, I have never had this. This dream the ideal that family live together, interact and are one. After the loss of my father my house was spilt and we never recovered. Everything changed when he left and in this moment I knew that I had lost my family when I lost my father.

"This is it." Esme said as she pulled to a stop in the garage. I smiled at her though I wanted nothing more than to cry for my loss. Ren stood to my left and for a moment that wasn't enough. The life I had lost still weighed heavily on me and I almost wished that she would just leave me, instead on constantly reminding me what I had lost and in all likelihood would never have again.

"Beautiful, though I must say if I didn't know the work put into it most of it would be lost on me." I told her honestly and she smiled happily at me.

"I enjoyed every second of it." She said and I nodded, I knew that and that the process had been quick, thanks to Emmet and Rose's help with the remodel.

"It suits you all so perfectly." I stated as we moved out of the car and into the front room. No one was here yet, since it was Thursday and the kids and Carlisle were at school and work respectively. That was going to be an issue I had the mentality of their parents it was going to be hard to interact with them as friends and elders when I had the memory and knowledge of their parents.

"Since it's just us you can open your eyes." She told me and I smiled as I blinked my eyes open and took in the colours. The image in my head was theirs and far more accurate then my eyes could detect, it felt flawed through my vision.

"I'm so used to seeing it through your eyes that it doesn't look right through mine." I told her as I looked about and tried to see what I did behind my eyes. Esme didn't know what to do with what I had just said so I smiled and complimented her home.

"Would you like to do something in particular while we wait for everyone to get home?" she asked and I shrugged. I don't know what we could do and she had things that she could do and probably felt the need to do. Like work in the garden, clean the house and organise the last few features on her most recent design. I wasn't about to say why don't you do that while I walk around and get acquainted with a house I know inside and out.

"I don't know whatever you'd like to do sounds good to me." I told her honestly and she pulled out a deck of cards and we play gin rummy. Having been in her head I could tell her style but I tried to ignore the information. We played to three thousand and she won. The kids, others got home and we greeted them my eyes closing. Rosalie treated me like a viper which was expected and kind of heart warming since I knew it was because of the love she had for her family. Jasper also gave me a wide birth and nodded his welcome. Emmet vanished after Rose and Alice followed Jasper. Edward went to his piano and effectively ignored us. All in all it wasn't a hateful reaction but it wasn't warm either.

I was an outsider that essentially pushed myself on them. I felt bad but there was nothing that I could do about it really. Esme offered to make me dinner and I agreed and tried to help her as she worked. But mostly I was relegated to watching and keeping her company. It was nice and I didn't have to talk but chose to. Emmet periodically would come in and wave his hands around and asked me how many fingers. It was funny and I felt accepted by him but didn't follow him as he left each time though I longed to.

_An echo comes though it is only a light burden. Do you wish to ignore it or watch it and let it fade?_

I shrugged but got up and went to the window looking where she had pointed. It was a small echo and I thought that it might be best to watch it now and to make it fade then to let it build until it couldn't fade. Go figure memories get angry when you ignore them and impress on you even stronger when you finally remember.

"Esme I'm going to go outside for a bit, I'll be right back." I told her and she nodded as I moved to the door and went out. It was fairly cold but it wasn't really biting. Checking to make sure that no one was in my line of sight accidentally I opened my eyes and looked at the echo. As I stopped in front of it its history played out in front of my eyes. This one was from several children that were killed by a sick man that hurt them deeply. The only reason why it wasn't stronger and able to fade was that the children hadn't been alone and gained peace from that.

Personally I think I would be angrier if I had to watch others around me die as I did. But I understand that having someone experience what you are while you are gives comfort. The experience was horrible but I managed to keep silent. Tears streamed down my face as I closed my eyes and the echo faded in the darkness that had come while I saw the past.

"Are you alright?" Edward asked and I turned and nodded not trying to hide the tears. "I saw these horrible images what was that?" he asked and I shrugged knowing he had seen what I had.

"Apparently I'm blank to you but what echoes force on me is not." I told him as I mechanically moved back to the house cold and tired.

"You saw that?" he said and I just looked at him behind my eyelids and waited. "Sorry it was horrible, I'm sorry you have to experience that."

"That wasn't an echo that was scary or something to fear Edward. It was in all respects tame to what I have seen." I told him voice hollow and empty of emotion. I walked into the kitchen and sat at the table and rested my head against my arms. "That was something I could face, I have met things that still haunt this place and will always." My heart ached but I let the tears fall as I sat there. Esme had moved to stand near Edward confused. "Sorry just tired and drained."

"It's fine Bella, do you still want something to eat?" she asked and I looked at her and smiled nodding. Food would restore my energy faster.

"Yes thank you." I replied and she brought me a plate filled with pasta and chunks of tomato and shrimp. It tasted amazing and I ate the over full plate and a bit more. I was stuffed when she showed me to the room I would be sleeping in. Stripping down I curled into bed and was out rather quickly.

I stood before a vast ocean looking at old Viking ships as the moved towards the other vessels I couldn't identify from this distance. It was surely to be a battle between the two until I caught sight of the sharp stones cutting the waves. Would any survive impact on those stones?

The Vikings and the other vessels shouted to each other and worked together to avoid the spikes. Two ships and three Viking boats sank but only 20-30 men died in the wreck. They congratulated each other, said their thanks and parted ways amicably. It was lovely to see such an event not end in betrayal or devastation due to distrust.

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A/N got to love Vikings... ^^


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

The light changed in my room and I sat up wondering how long I had slept for light to be coming through the window. It took a moment for me to orient myself in the Cullen house but it was a relief. Stretching I looked out the window at the trees and the light passing between them. It was a beautiful day and I longed to open my eyes and watch the colours play.

Leaning over I pulled out my new cell phone and dialled Jake's number hoping he was up. Billy answered and asked me 20 questions before handing me off to Jake.

"Hey can't come out today, I'm sick." He told me his voice upset and confused. What was up with Jake that he couldn't spend time with me?

"What's up freakazoid?" I asked and he didn't respond with his normal 'not much schizo' what does that mean? Then it popped into my head. "Jake are you a werewolf?" I asked and I heard a deep intake of breath.

"You knew?" he shrieked and I held the phone away from my ear.

"Ouch man. And I thought you knew I mean really you have had a pet wolf for like two years." I told him and he sounded like he was pacing.

"And it doesn't bug you? That I'm not human." He asked and I chuckled.

"Talking to the girl living in a vampiric household, and if I thought that you didn't know I would have told you. Sorry. And it bothers me wolf boy. Big time." I answered sarcastically and I got a chuckle in response.

"I'm not really safe to be around." He told me and I giggled.

"You're talking to the soul reading schizo." I reminded him and he actually laughed, it was good to hear the tension out of his voice.

"I suppose I am. Why don't you come down to the beach and I can show you my new trick." Jake said and I quickly agreed and hopped out of bed.

I pulled on a pair of in style ripped capri jeans and my green plaid tube top, the comfiest top ever. As I hunted through my clothes I noticed the cameo that mom had given me the day my eyes went blue saying her mother gave it to her on that day and was continuing the tradition. Holding it in my hand I felt its weight and liked the idea of the connection as I fastened it around my neck.

Grabbing my black shrug I went down stairs to formally inform Esme of my plans for the day. She was out in the garden working at her typical fast pace, it was slower than other tasks but she like to do it right for her garden. I watched her for a moment and felt one wave of passion for what she was doing and one of love as seeing her passion. It took me a moment to push the emotions away and greet her.

"Morning Esme. I was going to go over and see my werewolf if that's okay?" I asked and she looked confused so I explained. "Jacob he just became a werewolf, I'm going over to visit okay?" she seemed unsure and worried.

"If he's brand new to the change it might not be safe for you to visit him." She said worry showing in her voice.

"It really shouldn't be a problem, since I actually look at Jake. I'll probably know he's going to shift way before he does. I did when Sam went through this and my eyes were closed around him. Sides Ren would warn me too." I told her and she nodded her consent.

"Just be careful and be home for dinner at least." She said as I smiled at her and gave her a quick hug before going in to grab some breakfast before I left.

****

The drive down was quick and I parked at the Black's and Billy told me he was down at the beach waiting for me. I smiled and shrugged when Billy softly glared at me. I hadn't really seen them since my over reaction so I knew he was still not happy with me. His tight grip on the arms of his wheel chair and the wrinkle that only appeared when he was really unhappy.

"I over reacted. I really get it and it will never happen again Billy my word." I told him as I walked down the street he seemed satisfied with that and the hug I had given him just after I pulled up. I would make it up to him after I had spoken to wolf boy. He knew I would be back since I parked here. The walk down to the beach was nice and the weather was over cast but not overly cold. All in all, a lovely Forks kind of day if I do say so myself.

As my feet swung out beneath me I looked up and flicked Sam in the head. He was smiling which was a sight to see for the normally composed and mature adult he was. As he set me on my feet again he laughed and charged off in the opposite direction. Sometimes you just never get why people do some of the things they do. But if Sam's in a good mood I bet it's because of Jake.

Sure enough when I got to the bottom of the path I saw Jake bouncing around like a toddler on sugar. I wonder if I could get Alice to act like that if I gave her sugar. I shuddered at the thought and reminded myself to never bring it up near Emmet. Jake looked over at me and sprinted to my side swinging me up in the air just as Sam had. Oh yeah one plus one equalled Jake on a happy high.

"You really don't care in the slightest?" he asked as he settled me back down. I opened my eyes and glared at him smiling.

"Yup loath you now. Come on Jake you're you and that's always been fine with me." I told him and he was dancing around the beach. It was nice to see him so happy. "So happy puppy do I get to see you go wolfy?" I asked and he smiled as he moved towards the bushes and apparently ditched his clothing and shifted?

I looked at the bush waiting for him to pop out and sadly Jake's head appeared instead. I laughed at him and the confused and annoyed look on his face. Apparently my laughter was all that he needed in order to change. He shifted into a massive wolf and came to sit beside me as I gazed up at him.

"Yup still Jake." I told him as I petted him. "Though I totally like you better as a wolf." He rolled his eyes but wasn't bothered by my comment rather thrilled actually. "So no verbal communication in this form huh? Well I guess it's a good thing I read your very soul." He laughed at that and we hung out by the water for a while.

****

Jake bounced around as he told me all about running and I knew from his mind that it was wicked. All in all I told him to relax and enjoy this gift curse I mean at least he only had to change randomly into a wolf. Its not like he had to only eat ketchup on rice I got a weird look for that but it was normal between us. He hadn't lost control of his anger and had actually begun to see things my way.

I think it's pretty cool to turn into a wolf at will though he was still working on that it was tied to his anger right now. Sides he gets to have pack brothers which is again very cool and everyone looks out for each other. It reminded me of the Leah Emily thing and I was glad that I helped out with that. Leah was a lovely girl and deserved better than what happened but it happened. Still I'm glad she went to school way far away and met another boy. She still expects him to change his mind but she's happy.

I don't get Sam but he doesn't seem like a bad guy. Just one that found true and ever lasting love while in a relationship with another girl. He couldn't help it and he tried to make it up to Leah forever which proves that he still loves her. Oh well enough of the drama I have to deal with my own. Billy and the over reaction of a life time.

As we walked into the house I noted that Billy was sitting at the table with a paper. I sat down and waited trying to find words that I knew would never come. I felt horrible and yet I understood why I reacted the way I did.

"I suck." I said and he looked up at me not amused. "I want to say that it will never happen again and mean that I won't think of it as an option. But I know what hospitalization did to my mother and I wouldn't survive that. I hate that I hurt you and I promise that I would never do it with that intention. I know now that it was an over reaction but then it really looked like the only option I had. The only way to save myself from loosing everything, I love you guys too much to hurt you the way that watcher her fade hurt me." I said quickly with tears running down my face. Billy took my hand in his and looked at me. It said everything that look. That he loved me too, that he understood my pain and that though he hated it he could see my point of view.

"Promise me that you will talk to me or Jake or someone else before you decide to do anything that may hurt you. I love you Bella, and I don't want to loose you." Billy said as I got up and wrapped my arms around him.

"I promise." I told him truthfully. It wasn't a lie and I knew I could keep my word easily. I just prayed there would never be a day as dark as that one.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

I drove back as fast as I could without vampire senses and managed to walk through the door at 7:30. I prayed that it still counted as dinner time or else I had stood Esme up. As I walked into the kitchen I noted its spotlessness and wondered if that was good or bad. Emmet and Jasper were playing video games in the front room while Alice and Rose were shopping online but no sight of Esme.

"She burnt the casserole and went out a few minutes ago to pick up some food." Edward told me as I turned to look at him. I nodded I guess after not cooking for so long you forget about things. "Emmet and Jasper were fooling around in the house and distracted her."

"Boys." I replied as I walked up to my room to get changed from my sandy clothes. Considering I had the memories of Carlisle and Esme you would think I wouldn't be surprised at how quickly this place became home. I mean they have lived in many houses over the years and yet in one night I feel as though this is home. Sitting on the bed I contemplated how it would feel to go and sleep in my old house tonight.

Somehow the place that I have always loved and desired doesn't feel the same. I wanted to stay here to be with these people to be apart of their family. Shoving those thoughts away I returned downstairs and found Esme smiling at me and a plate of pasta on the table for me.

"Let me know what you want to have for dinner on Thursday and I'll do my best." Esme told me as she sat with me as I ate. I nodded as I dug into the over full plate of pasta, which was really good.

"I'm not picky anything you make is fine by me." I told her as I cleaned my plate; if I kept eating like this I was going to be a blimp.

"How was your day?" Esme asked and I smiled thinking about bounce-tastic Jake.

"It was good, got yelled at by Billy for the eight time, randomly hugged by Sam and got to see wolfy Jake. Their big, like horse big." I told her and she smiled at me. "I have managed to get him to stop thinking of himself as a monster which is good."

"He thought he was a monster?" Esme asked concerned over Jake, it was amazing how quickly she came to care about someone.

"Yeah they all seemed to have that opinion. I have managed to crush all of those beliefs and got him thinking on how cool and fun it is to be what he is. I mean running, faster then you guys, shifting into a wolf, having a pack mentality, strength, warmth, fast healing all of it." I told her and she looked at me happy that I had managed to cheer him up.

"Warm?" she asked and I smiled at her.

"Yeah to boy was annoying as ever before when he would get cold." I told her rolling my eyes. A yawn slipped out and she looked at me sternly.

"Would you like to sleep here or should I drive you home?" she asked and I weighed the question and shrugged.

"If you don't mind I kinda just want to sleep." I told her letting her make an answer out of that. She smiled and cleared my dishes.

"I cleaned the linens in your room and let me know if you want to change anything around in there. Consider it your room now Bella and sleep well." She replied as I got up and walked to my room. Stripping down I put on the shorts and tank that I had done without last night. Looking out my window I sighed as I heard the sounds of others surrounding me. I didn't have to play games here, pretend to be something other than what I am.

_There is a chance to have what you've lost here with these people. Don't push them away Bella and don't let them go._

Ren said softly as I turned to look at her I knew that she wished this to be my home. I wanted it too but I would not force myself into their lives if I was not wanted. Edward was being to relax around me but Rose and Jasper were still distant and unsure. Alice was Alice and Emmet was his normal as well. For Carlisle and Esme I would not push them away and hide as I have for most of my life. For them I will try to be open and honest until I am no longer wanted or in need of them.

"May I come in?" Edward asked from behind my door and I smiled at his politeness.

"Of course come in Edward." I told him as I turned away from the window to look at him. He looked uneasy and yet had something on his mind. "What is it that is troubling you?" I asked cutting my thoughts before 'my son' or some such came out of my mouth.

"What I saw yesterday. You said that it was nothing, an easy sight to bear. I was wondering what you meant by that." He asked as he sat down on the end of my bed as I walked towards him.

"It was an echo that could fade, most of the echoes that roam are not able to fade they remain forever because they were not witnessed. I don't understand why some fade and some stay or why some wish to be witnessed and then fade. All I know is that I can witness I can let it fade so I do." I told him as thought of the children from the day before. "They had experienced horrors yes but they were not alone so their pain was not so much."

"This is something that happens often?" he asked and I shrugged.

"I really don't have a comparison to relate to so I am not sure how to answer." I replied honestly. "When I was young some of them faded as they stopped affecting me but really I can't be sure. I think that they have to want to fade but for some it seems impossible. As for frequency in the last few years I have witnessed 50 or so fade-able echoes and only 7 strong echoes but I have avoided many, many more than those numbers."

"Avoid?" Edward asked and I sighed shrugging.

"They only come to me directly when my eyes are open so many do not come to me but pass near me." I told him as I laid back on the bed.

"You're tired I'll let you sleep." Edward stated as he stiffly moved off the bed.

"Edward I don't mind answering your questions and I am always tired." I told him and he looked at me curious. "I dream of death." It was the simple answer but he looked at me uncertain he understood. "I dream of wars, destruction and death unless I do not dream at all. It is rather exhausting to witness so much loss and in honesty if you and I continue to talk there may be a chance that I will not dream."

"You hate dreaming?" he asked and I shrugged.

"No I hate watching stupid ancient hostilities end badly because some people are too stupid to take the offer of assistance when they face death. But pointless and brutal slaughter is just as disappointing really." I told him as my mind brought Jasper's battles to the forefront of my mind. "Jasper was a fierce general in the vampire wars of the south. Oddly it was a battle that I could watch without despair. Most often I know what it is to be slaughtered not what it is to command. He is very skilled and cunning though I wish he had not had to face that chaotic war." I told Edward and he looked at me shocked and at a loss for words.

"You have watched the vampire wars in the South?" Edward asked clearly trying to understand how it was possible and probably trying to figure out what else I had seen.

"Amongst many other things yes recently I dreamed of Vikings and another European group come into contact as there boats began to sink, through helping each other only 25-30 people drowned. Another night I dream of a place called Hedfa that was burned and completely destroyed with no reason or purpose behind the act that I could discern. All of those that lived in that village died, it was made sure of by those that murdered them." I shivered at the image of the little boy scared and crying as one of them bludgeoned him to death.

"You have seen such horrible things." Edward stated looking at me with pity and I chuckled at him which confused him.

"It is only through the horrors we witness that we as people grow and learn to be more than what was before us." I told him feeling rather like a philosopher.

"Wise." He said and I shrugged. I had learned long ago that what I see and experience was for my own betterment, that doesn't mean that I would seek out horrors. Merely that I would survive the horrors presented to me by others, since only a few horrors happened to me personally. "Even seeing what you have you don't fear us?"

"No why would I fear you? Have you attacked me or another in my view? There is no promise of violence or pain so there is no reason to fear." I said and rolled my eyes at myself. "Kay now I just feel like a talking dictionary. Simply put Edward I have seen all forms of evil action or person and I really don't see it in any of you."

"I suppose you are correct but what if an accident occurred and you were bleeding before us?" Edward asked and I shrugged.

"Well that would suck, possibly literally but it wouldn't be an action with evil intention and the person to harm me would be trying to defy their basic animalistic nature. To fail in that is for a human to thirst and die in agony after they drink salt water a tragedy but nothing to go blaming others for. I don't mean to be short or rude but honestly it would be a swifter death than many I have seen and an accident is an accident." I said and wanted to smack the boy on the back of the head but knew it would only hurt my hand.

"You seem frustrated." He stated looking rather confused. I shook my head as thoughts of other old arguments ran through my head.

"Sorry, you just reminded me of what people used to say to my dad. 'I mean really isn't she unsafe for Bella to be around?' and 'she's unwell what if Bella did something to set her off.'" I repeated and tried to shake the horrible images that played out behind my eyes.

"I didn't mean to upset you." Edward told me looking upset at himself.

"You didn't upset me, I just hate it when people don't know what their talking about... no offense... I have seen through Carlisle and Esme's eyes and I know that you don't intend me harm that's enough. Heck I was living with Sarah a woman who wanted to kill me or hurt me deeply for years. I didn't mean to snap at you. I'm not used to the whole don't speak your mind aspect of interacting with people. Most of the time people just pity me because I'm unwell or blind or in the foster system or because both of my parents died or because my mom and therefore I am nuts." I ramble ranted with a smile. "It's relaxing to be able to say what I'm thinking instead of having to match the situational environment I have been forced into."

"I'm glad that we can give you that and I suppose you're in less danger with us than with her or on your own. No offense." He said and I shrugged can't blame that thought. I mean I did just recently go all over reaction suicide on them.

"I'm fine on my own, really no reason to go all paranoid. I won't be doing anything that drastic without talking to someone or you know not doing it." I told him rolling my eyes.

"Well there's that, but I should let you rest. Sleep well." Edward replied as he left the room and closed the door behind him. I ran through our conversation and realised I had been very open with him and he hadn't freaked out at me. Perhaps I was more suited to this family than I had thought maybe just maybe I could be happy hear for longer than the necessary.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

The sun woke me again and I realised I hadn't checked up on my online courses in a few days and bounced out of bed pulling on pyjama pants. I had left my computer down stairs when I was hanging out with Esme yesterday. The house was really quiet and it was a little unnerving but I grabbed my laptop and sat down on the couch as I started it up.

"Finally gees I was wondering if you had completely forgotten it." I mumble to myself as I noted that the instructor had finally asked for our final essays in fourth year psych. While it might be easier to do classes online it was as though the professors forgot about their online classes or at the very least weren't as organized with them. But then again I haven't sat in a class room with other people since I was 11 so really I couldn't judge.

"You said something?" Esme asked as she came in from the outside looking at me. I smiled and shook my head.

"Nope just talking to myself, my psychology teacher finally asked for our big final project after nearly two months of saying nothing about it." I replied as I submitted my essay, it was only a little over 150 pages she asked for. Really I had to do a lot of circle talking to fill the space but it was how she had wanted the paper so I wasn't going to argue. Sides 172 pages wasn't excessively over writing and my conclusion was perfect though longer than most peoples it reiterated my thesis very well and I could bare to dissect it and reorganize it.

"You're taking psychology?" she asked and I nodded enthusiastically.

"Yup I love the understanding of basic personalities and the organisation and processes of the brain. I mean I like the process in which we study and diagnose those around us into categories and subheadings. But mostly it helped pad out my education can't just had biology, maths, chemistry, anthropology, philosophy, archaeology, biological anthropology, and sociology without having psychology right along with it." I told her and she looked impressed at my list of classes.

"You're taking higher level courses?" She asked as she sat next to me looking at my screen.

"Yes, I'm on my fourth years in biology, math, philosophy and psychology, third year in chemistry, anthropology and sociology and second year in archaeology and biological anthropology. In complete honesty I am going to graduate with one weird degree. Oh but this semester I am going to start taking history again, I stopped when I felt the need to accurate when it can't be proven." I told her proud to be able to say I excelled at school heck anything other than being nuts and sight behind closed eyes.

"What do you want to do once you graduate?" Esme asked bringing me back from my wistful thoughts.

"I don't really have any options; I mean I might be able to teach if I get my masters in a particular subject. But honestly I doubt that I'll do much of anything other than witnessing. I could write historical fiction, I haven't really thought about the after school part." I answered scraping at ideas and vague possibilities. Was it unusual that I didn't think of my future, that I honestly didn't see a future for myself past the moment I was living in or plans I made for the near future?

"Well there's no hurry but it's good to give it some thought." Esme said as she stood up and placed her gardening gloves down on the table near the back door. "Would you like anything in particular to eat?" she asked and I shook my head as she left.

I have seen so much and yet imagine no future for myself. Somehow I had gotten lost and forgotten what I wanted most since I could never conceivably have it. I want to help people, to be there in their worst moments and to help them heal and move forward. Since I have such a harsh history with mental health and I don't open my eyes I don't see much of a possibility in that path.

Alice and Jasper walked into the room and I realised that it was fairly sunny and had not gone to school today. I smiled at them as I sat there contemplating what I had never thought I would have, a career. Alice has her fashion, Rose her cars, Jasper his books and his past, Emmet his wife and his playfulness, Edward piano, languages, books, music, Carlisle the hospital, and Esme her garden and children. What did I excel at that would lead to the path I would take later in life? Seeing the past, witnessing horrible events, thoughts, feelings? What would that lead me to other than being a monster or a victim?

"I'm sure that there's something that matches you." Alice said honestly as she and Jasper sat on the furthest couch from me. He was still uneasy around me and I knew that Edward's temptation was only making it worse for him.

"I suppose I will find something eventually. Perhaps I'll write what I see and call it historical fiction." I said rolling my eyes. That was a laugh if it were fiction I would not dream it so clearly. What would it mean if I dream of such horrible things and they were false, only created within my own mind? I shuttered at the thought and pushed it aside as I focused myself back into the front room of the Cullen house.

"Here, I thought you might like chicken fingers, since it hasn't been morning for a few hours now." Esme said as she handed me the plate. It had chicken fingers and salad and looked marvellous.

"Looks perfect." I said as I began to eat the meal she had given me. She looked uncertain until I was a good portion of the way through it. I knew it had been a while since she had cooked anything other than baked goods and was wary of her skills.

"I heard you're talk with Edward last night, do you often dream of the southern wars?" Jasper asked and I shrugged as I swallowed.

"I have dreamt of many pieces of it but only a few times have I dreamt of the true battles. Most of the time from the perspective of those that loose, and only recently have I seen you. Actually only the once, and it was intriguing to watch you command your very skilled." I complimented and he nodded but didn't smile. "It's not often that I can watch a battle rage and not feel despair and overwhelmed with the violence. More often then not I see pointless deaths that come from bitter and hateful hands. Whit that war it was precise and clean. Brutal but organized." I said lost in thought comparing war after war to those that the southern vampires led.

"How do you stand to watch death over and over again?" Alice asked and I looked at her searching for my answer. In the end I just smiled and bowed my head.

"When the worst is constantly before us we true see the good, the joy in the mundane." I answered feeling like my philosophy teacher or text both were rather the same.

"So by seeing horrible things you rejoice in the little good things?" Esme asked and I shrugged. I really didn't understand why I could watch war after war, death after death and not wish to die along with them. I never have and though recent events suggest other wise don't long for death.

"Nature is beautiful and somehow I find light in all things. I don't really know why I am as I am only that I am. Wow that was a mouthful." I commented and got smiles all around. "My mom taught me to love nature."

_I had very little to teach you which you didn't already know. You have a strength I did not have perhaps it will spare you from my fate as it has spared you from my despair._

I looked over at Ren as she spoke and felt her joy and sadness. Longing to again be with me and yet knowing that she could not but that perhaps I would not be destroyed by my Sight. Jasper looked between me and the place where she stood and I realised he could feel her. As I turned and looked at him more directly he looked confused and yet not completely unsettled.

"You can feel her joy and sadness." I stated and he nodded as he turned his gaze to me fully. "It is nice to know that she is truly with me not that I really doubted it but confirmation is always nice."

"She truly loves you." Jasper stated and I smiled at him.

"That she does, as I love her. Sadly we can no longer touch but her presence has held me together in some rather rough patches." I answered and he looked at me silently asking me what I meant. "When I first was rather harshly shoved back into the world I was frightened and she gave me the comfort I needed to be able to be surrounded by people and yet isolated. In the first house I was sent to I was a confusion and a burden and it was through my mother's aid that I learned to act appropriately in order to draw less attention from those that wished to look down on me."

"It must have been hard on you." Alice commented and I shrugged.

"Life gives burdens and we bare them until we can no longer. And that was quoting my text book again." I said laughing at my speech. I really had to stop doing that or else I was going to sound like a fortune cookie for the rest of my life.

"You haven't asked anyone if you can open your eyes around us. Why?" Jasper asked and I smiled as I shook my head.

"I don't mind not opening my eyes and I have no desire to know everything part of you." I answered honestly and Jasper frowned and I wondered why.

"You don't want to know us? Or you don't want us to be off set by your knowledge of us?" Esme asked and I smirked.

"I have enough issues not imitating you or Carlisle I can only imagine the weird and normal things I might do if I were to know each of you so well. Heck I might end up shopping!" I exclaimed frightfully and Alice glared at me as we all laughed.

"Really?" Esme asked and I nodded.

"Your garden, designing, cleaning, antiquing, driving fast, heck I'm pretty sure I could become a surgeon right now if I wanted too." I chuckled and shrugged. "You're balanced out right now with Jake, which is the only reason why I haven't been reading medical journals."

"You're so affected by what you see?" Jasper asked and I shrugged, I guess if I wanted too, I could push down the reminisce of their images but I didn't really want to forget them.

"I can push the knowledge away but since it isn't overly detailed and well I don't really want to, I haven't." I answered honestly and Esme smiled at me.

"They aren't too much for you?" Jasper asked and I shrugged.

"Head rush and I loose the details quickly but no not really why?" I asked and he smiled at me.

"I don't mind if you look at me." He answered, "As long as it does not bother you." I looked at him astonished and then I clued into the fact that I had thought this might happen once I had looked at Esme.

"I don't mind either." Alice said and I smiled and shook my head.

"Vampires and self awareness gees." I sighed and let my eye lids flutter. I checked to make sure I wouldn't see anything unwarranted and finally opened my eyes. Alice's and Jasper's pasts and essences rushed through me and knocked the wind from my lungs but I was fine. "You truly remember nothing?" I asked pressing at the vast blanket of dark that was Alice's past. As I focused on her I caught brief images almost like an echo.

Alice nodded sadly and yet unaffected. Shaking my head I stopped pushing at the dark that was Alice's human life. I wasn't sure what I expected to happen but I didn't want to hurt her. Blinking a few times I cleared my vision and looked at them smiling.

"You have lovely blue eyes." Alice commented and I blushed slightly before nodding.

"I suppose they are beautiful. I haven't thought of them that way as they took my brown ones over." I commented as my hand moved towards my eyes. They looked confused and I smiled at them letting my hand fall back to my lap. "I was born with brown eyes as I grew my mother called them doe eyes, but as my Sight came to me shortly after my father died they began to fade to blue. We mourned the day that my eye became entirely blue."

"Oh." Alice said and smiled at me as I shrugged.

"I haven't really seen them so I'll have to take your word for it." I told her and she wrinkled her brow at that. "I don't do mirrors for obvious reasons and well the reflection in water isn't really coloured."

"Why no mirrors? Do you see your own soul?" Jasper asked and I shook my head.

"No I don't see my soul. I see through my own eyes the limited vision of what is. In other words I see myself react to things that aren't there, talk to things I can't see. It's rather unnerving, makes me doubt my Sight. But mostly it attracts a lot of attention from echoes and is kind of like a continuous circle that can be hard to break alone." I explained and he nodded.

_Something wicked this way comes._

Ren said teasingly and I closed my eyes and rolled them. They looked at me before hearing Edward making his way towards the house with Emmet and Rosalie. Jasper and Alice moved to go up to their room and soon it was just me and Esme. Edward walked into the room as Emmet and Rose went to the garage.

"Esme, Bella." He greeted and I nodded at him as he headed over to his piano. I was surprised to hear him play a new song instead of Esme's favourite song. As I thought on it I realised that he was playing a fair bit more than normal not that I minded he was very talented.

Esme cleaned up and ended up going back out to work on her garden as I stood in the door way and listened to Edward play. He continued on for a good while as I listened trying to figure out the source of this new composition. It was lovely and sad but it was also soothing and beautiful and hopeful. Nothing came to my mind as I listened to him weave notes together.

"Do you like it?" he asked and startled I looked over at him and smiled.

"It's lovely, a lullaby correct?" I asked not knowing what to say.

"It is I hope you don't mind but I composed it with you in mind." Edward state as I stood there awed by his gesture and baffled that I had caused such emotion in him. I knew from looking at Jasper that Edward felt quite passionately for me but I was uncertain as to what that meant. Barely knowing him and having the love of his parents and now siblings made me unsure of myself in relation to my feelings for him.

"Thank you." I whispered as I moved towards him. I knew that I was physically attracted to him but was that enough in the long run? What if I did not feel for him what he did for me? How could I hurt someone I loved but didn't love in the right way? I pushed all this to the back of my mind as I sat next to him as he began to play again. I enjoyed sitting with him and I loved watching him play. Deciding that I wasn't going to make any decisions just yet I let the moment fill me as I floated in Edward's music.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

In the two following days I spent a great deal of time with Edward. He was easy to be around and more than once had we merely asked question after question of each other. Him about my Sight and then all about my past and I asked him about vampires, blood, and history. We never seemed to run out of questions for each other.

I sat in the window in my room contemplating Edward and my feelings for him. My own feelings were terribly mixed with those I had seen of his family. Emmet had recently demanded that I look at him which only made me wary of him. I did not enjoy being tricked or pranked and he seemed to sense this and want to prank me. Rose refused as I expected and Edward still had not brought it up. This was what had me confused if my Sight bothered him then how could we be a match?

It's not as though he had witnessed anything that I hadn't in respects to atrocities. Was it his rebellion or merely my knowing everything that bothered him so? Eventually I gave up this train of thought and went to bed; perhaps I would be given insight. Doubtful but at this point I was willing to talk to Ren or Emmet about this dilemma.

****

This was a fairly recent event whatever it was; I watched groups of people move about in modern dress. It could have occurred weeks or two to three years ago. Suddenly there was a grouping of people being offered a tour of some of the castles in the old European, most likely Italian town. Everyone looked pleased and excited as a beautiful woman lead them inside. Turning my head I noticed her pale skin and wondered if this was a vampire. I didn't get any further into my thoughts as I realised I was following on of the tours of the dead into the heart and main chamber of Volterra to be eaten.

Pushing myself harshly awake I gasped and tried to diminish the images playing behind my eyes. I could wake myself from a dream but it played until it was finished unconscious or not. It was lessened and I was not standing in the room any more though. Sitting up and wrapping my arms over my legs I sobbed as I watched them die. It was not a new sight but this was the most recent of these killings I had ever seen. Living with the Cullens had proven the pointlessness of these deaths to me and perhaps now it was too close to home to witness as easily as I once had.

These were things I considered to be nightmares, I had not realised it was not some dark game being played that they truly were vampires. Thinking on it now I wondered how I could have dismissed it so easily just because I had only seen it happening 100 or more years ago. I felt sick to my stomach as I thought of how many people had followed a vampire to their deaths thinking it to be a wondrous thing only to be so very wrong.

"Are you alright Bella?" Carlisle asked as he opened my door, I smiled at him though it was incredibly stiff. He sat down on the bed next to me as I tried to compose myself to no avail.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to make a scene I just really didn't want to witness that as though I were apart of it." I told him honestly as I brushed the tears off my face.

"What were you dreaming of?" he asked as he smiled gently and understandingly at me.

"Volterra." I answered simply and he stiffened beside me. "I have seen it many times but... I always thought it some wicked act done by those pretending to be vampires. I didn't understand the whole concept." I rambled on as I shivered as the final screams faded from my ears. "All done now." I sighed in relief.

"I can not imagine witnessing such a thing." Carlisle stated and I shrugged. He had always left the room when they fed, he did not wish to test himself in such a way.

"I think it was more of the understanding of how many people have walked that path to their deaths that got to me. I mean I really should have noticed that it was always the same people in the chamber. I hate to think that I wrote it off as I sick minded fantasy of those with far too much time on their hands." I replied as I thought of the few other times I had watched people march threw those hallways to their ends.

"It is not something you would expect to be real." Carlisle said with a faint smile.

"Nope not really. I'm just glad I forced myself awake before they began to feed." I told him and he looked at me asking me what I meant. "A few years ago I found out that if I pushed myself hard enough that I could wake before the dream ended, I still have to witness the events but no longer is it so real."

"Interesting." Carlisle murmured as he stood and I rearranged myself in the bed. I laid back down and he smiled at me, "Good night." He stated as he left the room closing the door behind me. I fell back to sleep easily feeling comforted and loved.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

"What flowers do you think would work in the garden?" Esme asked and I honestly wondered how many flowers there was already in the 'garden' that was the huge acreage. Some of them were coming into bloom and there were surprisingly few that were yellow, red or deep purple.

"Ummm... I like daffodils, tulips, poppies, lilies, lavender, hydrangeas, dahlia, oleander, orange blossoms, and sunflowers." I answered thinking of the array of flowers in my underground garden. Esme smiled at me as I rambled off my list.

"Lets get some daffodils, tulips, and sunflowers." She told me as I began to hunt throw the flowers looking for fun and bright colours. I showed Esme the beautiful yellow, orange and pink tulips and she nodded adding white and red to my colours.

As we drove back the car loaded with flowers I began to think of Jake and my house. Even though we had made arrangements for me to stay with them and at my house with Jake and alone I hadn't left the Cullen's house. I felt intrusive but they all told me that they didn't mind my presence Emmet picked me up in one of his bear hugs and pouted at me that it was nice to have a little sister to bother.

I was going to hang out with Jake tomorrow but I felt like I had taken over the Cullen house and felt rude and like a burden. I know that most of them didn't see me that way and most of the time I got along with Rose. But for some reason Edward's avoidance of my Sight was still bothering me. There was nothing that I could do about it and I wasn't about to ask him about it. Jasper smiled at me since I had told him what I felt for Edward needing to talk to someone and finding him the most suited to helping me.

Apparently Edward was in denial about something and uncomfortable but that he felt for me what I did for him. Jasper had spent the better part of an hour trying to get me to believe it but I still couldn't see Edward falling for someone like me. I was going to give him time and let him sort things out for himself. This was the reason that I was out with Esme when school ended a few hours ago, she and everyone else in the house was getting a bit short with Edward.

Mostly Esme was overjoyed that Edward seemed to have found someone to spend his life with but I was uneasy. Did he like me or was my silent mind what attracted me to him? I had completely fallen in love with the boy but I was unsure of what it would lead to. Could a vampire truly fall in love with a human? Since I had fallen in love with something that could and in most cases would kill me did that make it possible or merely a sick dream?

****

I spent most of the day helping, slowing down, Esme in the garden talking about flowers and what each one meant and their lovely colours. She didn't seem to mind having me out here with her in fact she seemed to love my interest in her garden. We talked about the flowers I had planted there and why and such. I told her that she would have to help me tend them; though I liked their wildness they still needed attention.

"Bella are you hungry?" Esme asked as I realised that I hadn't eaten since breakfast I nodded. We cleaned up before going inside and Esme made me a lovely and rather huge salad with shrimp and avocado. It was simply delicious. I wonder if she took the recipe from a restaurant it looked so polished and perfect. In the last few days living amongst them I realised that everything was pleasantly and oddly normal. It set me at easy.

"Have a good day today Bella?" Edward asked as he joined me sitting at the counter. I nodded my head as I had a mouthful of food.

"Yup." I answered simply and wondered what had brought him to my side. Out of all of the Cullens Edward was the most food shy, he tended to go elsewhere when I was eating.

"I was wondering if we could speak after you finish your meal. There's a place I would like to show you." He asked fidgeting slightly and I wondered what he wanted to show me. Was it his meadow? No he only went there when he wished to be alone and think. I nodded my answer and he quickly left the kitchen. Esme smiled at me as she cleaned the already spotless kitchen while humming slightly to herself.

Opening my eyes I wondered what she was thinking. Having spent so much alone time with her I felt no need to warn her and was not startled merely updated to her current mood as I looked at her. She was happy that Edward was finally going to talk to me and she too thought he meant his meadow. I wondered how she could be so certain of what her son was going to do but I chalked it up to a mother's knowledge of her children.

"Really?" I asked quietly and she smiled at me as she walked over to me and place a kiss on the top of my head. It was answer enough as I let my eyes close. I was even more nervous about what would happen between me and Edward in his meadow. Was he going to tell me how he felt or was he going to explain why he did not wish me to 'see' him?

Once I finished my meal Edward appeared yet again like a phantom. I smiled at him as I went to go and get a sweater when he handed me one. Pulling it on he took my hand and walked out the back doors towards the river that I knew was there.

"Climb onto my back." Edward stated as he came to a stop and I got on his back after a moment of hesitation. It was odd to jump on anyone but Jake's back but I managed to do it without making a fool out of myself. Edward chuckled as he began to walk and then run. I held on tightly but marvelled at how different it felt to me then it did to them. Faintly nauseous and wind wiped Edward stopped and I stumbled off of him.

"That was interesting though I definitely can see the appeal." I told him breathless, it was exhilarating but the differences and lack of sight had bothered me.

"I am not sure where to begin." Edward said as he sat down on a stone in the pale moon light. It was clear tonight, unusual for Forks but nothing to complain about. I moved and sat on the ground in front of him waiting for him to speak again.

"At the beginning?" I asked at a great silence between us. He was going to tell me why he didn't want me to look at him. I felt rejected and confused as silence filled the large gap between us.

"Bella, I..." he said as he looked at me. I looked up at him and waited for the words that would cut into my very soul. "love you." I stared up at him as these words sounded again and again in my head. He loves me?

"You love me?" I asked completely uncertain as to if this was a joke or not.

"Yes, more so each day." He told me conviction in his words I could not doubt the truthfulness of them.

"Why won't you let me look at you?" I asked confused and needing an answer.

"Do you want to look at me?" Edward asked and I shrugged.

"It's more that you don't seem to want me to 'see' you." I told him honestly and he chuckled at me as he slid to the ground.

"I would love for you to see me." He answered and I shook my head confused and baffled. He loved me; it just didn't make sense to me for him to love me. "But if you do not feel the same it may be uncomfortable for you." He told me and I could hear the imagined rejection in his voice.

"Don't be silly." I replied rolling my eyes. Finally I slowly opened my eyes and gazed at him. His love filled me and I could no longer doubt that he loved me as deeply as I did him. "Wow." I sighed as I moved forward and cupped his face in my hands. I had witnessed much of Edward's life and so the shock of the information was much less.

"You have truly lovely eyes." He told me as he mimicked my gesture. I could feel the burning of his thirst and it made it easier for me to judge how to interact with him. It had decreased greatly in the last few days but still it pained him.

"It is so painful." I told him as I traced patterns on his face. It had gone still and he now longed for me not to look at him. This had been his reason all along. He did not wish to burden me with his thirst. "Silly vampire your thirst is merely knowledge not pain to me. I love you too." I told him and he smiled at me happily and finally some small part that doubted me lifted. It was incredibly odd to feel his love for me and echo it back at him. He loved me like he had no other.

"You do not mind looking upon us?" he asked and I smiled.

"Its a heavy burden that weighs on me heavily..." I replied with a smile and he chuckled at me as I giggled. "No actually I don't really mind at all. Other than the thirst you are very open people. Though I don't understand why people would wish to share their very being with someone all the time."

"I suppose they have all gotten used to it with me being around." Edward commented as he pulled me into his arms wrapping them protectively around me as I leaned against him.

"What a pair we are. I know all, you know the moment. I think people would get seriously irritated with us if we were not who and how we are." I told him thinking of a know it all couple that felt the need to correct everyone about every little thing.

"What a pair." Edward sighed as he gripped me tighter to his body.

"Something the matter?" I asked not bothering to turn and look at him. He chuckled but sighed at the end.

"I'm a vampire, and yet I'm not the scariest thing to you. There's nothing I can do to make what you see any better." His voice held a sharp pain that made me turn and wrap my arms securely around him.

"Edward." I said simply as I held on to him. "Just by being here you help, all of you do." I told him and he nodded but I knew it wasn't enough. "You can see the echoes." I added and he didn't respond for a while.

"Yes. But not your dreams or the things that you have seen nor can I make them stop." He ranted and I looked up at him smiling.

"There is no way to stop my gift just as there is no way to stop yours. Stop this." I pleaded and he nodded.

"I hate not being able to protect you." He said softly brushing away a few strands of wayward hair. I smiled up at him shrugging. There was nothing that could be done other than prevention of what happened when I was a little girl. I looked over at Ren and she smiled at me completely at ease with the sight of me wrapped in his arms.

"Well if it means anything you've won Ren over." I told him and earned a chuckle and him relaxing slightly.

"I suppose it makes all the difference." He replied after kissing the top of my head. I understood his caution but wanted to jump him at the same time. This was going to be more difficult than I had given it credit for. Smiling at myself I leaned into Edward and looked up at the stars content for now.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

It was an odd shift after that evening and yet nothing had really changed. Edward and I had talked for a few more hours before I shivered a bit too much for his liking and we had come back to the house. Esme smiled at us but other than Emmet teasing Edward which I have to admit I joined in on nothing changed. It was like we had always been together.

Edward had joined me when I went to bed and now it was morning and I didn't really want to move. Only when Edward finally got up from the bed did I start to get up for the day. I got a chaste kiss before Edward left for school and I longed to go with him even knowing the boredom they all faced. Then again being able to sit beside Edward for most if not all of the day would more than make up for it.

Wow... I had stepped directly into a relationship with a boy and was now doing the cutesy 'oh I love you so much' thing. It was nice and yet profoundly odd. Last night I had wanted nothing more than to kiss him with the passion we both felt but his thirst forced me away from it. How was this going to work? I don't think I should kiss him with my eyes closed so I don't push the boundary between us. My Sight made things better and worse between us, I wanted to be able to jump him and not worry about hurting him.

Finally I pulled myself from my thoughts and gazing out the window at nothing and got dressed. It was once again Esme and me alone in the house so I opened my eyes and walked down the stairs not really thinking about anything. I felt something shift and wondered if I should close my eyes and looked for Ren. She was only a little ways behind me and shrugged her shoulders. She didn't know what it was so it wasn't an echo that had me feeling anxious.

"Esme?" I called out wondering if she was aware of what was 'up.' I got no reply and hunted for her around the house spotting her in the garden looking out amongst the trees I closed my eyes in case it was someone from town that had gotten lost on a nature walk or something. "Esme?" I asked again as I opened the door, she was at my side immediately and pushed me back into the house.

Looking at her I wondered what was the matter? Then looking solely at her back I saw what she did three nomads walking towards the house. Their eyes were blood red and they looked intrigued and fearsome this wasn't good. I ran to the phone but it rang as I picked it up.

"We're on our way." Alice stated before I could even say hello. I nodded and turned to look back at Esme she shouldn't be standing there alone.

"I'm going to open my eyes..." I started and Edward took the phone.

"Good and go." He said before hanging up the phone. I knew they would be here soon but I worried about how long it would be and what would happen in the mean time. I ran to Esme and pulled the door open and opened my eyes also. I would apologies later if they were nice but some how I doubted they would be.

"Bella." Esme gasped as I wrapped my arms around her waist hopefully calming her. She returned the gesture and looked out into the forest as they appeared. They were rather normal looking in appearance but I could see what they were and knew this would not end well. James would hunt and slaughter anything he thought would be a challenge and Victoria would follow him loyally. Laurent was fearful of James and if needed now he would fight but there was a chance that he would leave to avoid conflict. There was no need for him to die but he was a threat.

"James, Victoria and Laurent how pleasant to meet you." I welcomed them and Esme managed to school her features to hide her shock at my comment. "We would ask you not to hunt in this area as we live here on a permanent basis and do not wish for exposure." I told them and there eyes flicked amongst their groups. James was intrigued and wondered if I was worth hunting, Victoria wanted to run the hell away from me and Laurent wanted to know what I meant.

"You are human?" James asked and I nodded with a smile that promised a slow death.

"I am, but my family is not. Not that I would need their help to rid myself of you." I replied and Esme tightened her grip on me. "Since they do not consume human blood they live in one place or another for a while before moving on. Animal blood." I continued and answered their next question. Laurent looked interested in this but James and Victoria were disgusted.

"I think you'll find us hard to 'rid yourself of' child." Victoria sneered and I smiled.

"Then why do you so long to run from here and not stop for a very long time?" I answered and she was shocked and angry that I knew this.

"Cute trick human." James stated moving closer as he stared at me. "But that won't stop us." I smiled at him as I saw precisely what he was going to do before he did it. Thankfully he liked to play with his food.

Looking around myself I saw many echoes gathering they had not swarmed me because they could feel my violent emotions and wondered if I would ask them to attack. I had promised I would never do that again but it seemed the only option in order to stop them cleanly. Sighing I bowed my head and asked for forgiveness for this new horrible act.

James took my bowed head as surrender and smiled coyly. As I raised my head he stopped for a moment and seemed to want to run. I looked at him and focused everything in my mind on him and hated that it felt so good to hate him and to want him dead.

"If you leave I won't kill you James. You can play your games with some other prey and keep you useless and meaningless little life." I told him knowing that I couldn't just let him leave that he would find away to come after those I loved and I wouldn't allow that. My insult had made it impossible for him to leave.

"Laurent it is your choice to die with them or run. I would suggest far away." I told him and he looked at me and the two beside him and didn't move right away. He was considering James' hesitation and the look in my eyes. But it was Victoria's fearful expression that made him run. He would not return for sometime if he would at all.

"You will die." James told me as he crouched and I screamed at him not knowing another way to have them swarm him. One moment it was a still the next Victoria and James were in pieces scattered on the lawn. The echoes had found less pleasure in ripping them apart because of the lack of blood but still were sated and I closed my eyes and held on to Esme with every last bit of strength I had.

Sobs wracked my body and I only barely felt the shift into Edward's arms. I looked at him tears running down my face and continued to cry. I hated what I had done but it was my only option. They would have hurt them I had to stop them.

"Collect them and burn them." I whispered as I managed to calm myself. Edward's presence was the major reason I wasn't screaming and hysterical. He nodded and I let myself relax into his arms. I was truly more monster than him and now he would know that.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Music, it was someone humming as I woke up that had me confused. I moved and final felt that I was lying on top on someone. Pushing myself up, I looked at Edward and smiled before collapsing back on top of him. He chuckled at this and I tried to smile with his happiness and failed. How could he want to be close to me, I had just killed two vampires! I had given echoes the power to harm, rip them to pieces! I was a monster how could he still want to be with me?

"Why are you...?" I began to ask as he pulled me up and kissed me. I was lost in the feel of his cold lips on mine, it felt so right and perfect. I melted into him and after a moment he pulled away and rested me on his chest.

"I love you Bella, I thought we already had this conversation." Edward said trying to make the situation lighter and failing. "I am here because you are." He answered finally and I clung to him.

"But I... I let the echoes... I made them!" I rambled in broken sentences and Edward chuckled but held me tightly to him.

"There was no other option. Alice saw what they would have done if you hadn't of stopped them." Edward stated and I realised how much pain the thought of my death brought him. I hated myself a little more even though it seemed impossible. If my actions had merely hurt Carlisle and Esme then they had murdered Edward.

"I keep hurting those I love." I whispered and pushed my face into his chest unwilling to look at him. Not when I knew I was a monster a horrible person that hurt people, even the ones I cared for. I began to cry again and Edward tried to sooth me which only made me feel worse and cry harder. After a while he seemed to be at a complete loss and Esme and Carlisle came to help.

"Bella? Are you alright?" Esme asked as she pulled me gently away from Edward. I sobbed and flung myself at her. I had so much to make amends for and no way to begin. They had given me so much and I wasn't worth any of it. Carlisle brushed the tears from my face and raised my chin so that I had to look at him.

"You did what was needed, sadly but you are not to blame. Nor are you a monster." He told me with a sharpness that made it impossible for me to doubt.

"But I killed them!" I cried as I slipped to the ground, Esme still holding on to me making sure I didn't hurt myself. They were too kind they thought too highly of me. I wasn't worthy of them, I was a broken and angry and murderous thing.

"As they would have killed you and potentially Esme as well." Edward stated and my heart sank. They would have hurt Esme. I knew this and yet I hadn't even really thought about it. James wanted to fight with the whole of the Cullens he wasn't sure if I was enough to start that so he would have... My grip on Esme increased drastically and I sobbed. I had kept her safe but at what cost? Would there come a day when any one that even posed a threat had to be killed?

"How did you...?" Carlisle began before stopping. Breathing in and out trying to calm down a bit I pulled my head away from Esme's shoulder and looked up at him.

"I give them energy and they attack the focus of my fear." I answered, "Though I don't really know how I give them energy or why they don't attack everything or me." I let my head drop back to Esme's should and shuddered at the thought of having hurt her trying to help. She rubbed more circles on my back and kissed the top of my head.

"An impressive gift." Carlisle said more to himself than me. I just felt heavy and tired. Soon my thoughts became incoherent and I was pulled back into sleep. Sadly before I could truly bask in the darkness that only came with dreamless sleep it began to lighten and I began to dream.

"We are your gods follow or be damned!" A voice shouted out in Egyptian and I muttered about how stupid he looked wrapped in linens like he was. But those below him bowed and praised him and began to pray at the magnificent sight of him. I rolled my eyes and wondered who the Egyptian 'god' ordered the death of this time.

I heard a loud thunderous banging and looked at the sky. It was a mess of dark clouds and of course the idiot god king was standing at the highest point. Maybe he would die instead of those that followed him; it would be a nice change. There would be a funny awe of this moment if the very gods struck him down, ah lightening!

Sadly he moved inside before he could be struck and his final order of continue building had everyone dashing about. I followed after him wondering what I was to see if not the slaves dying for his 'memory.' Sighing I noted that he moved forward and sat down on a bench instead of his throne. It was unusual I mean most of the noble or 'god' born were surrounded by attendants and constantly pampered.

"You seem displeased and bored of me." He spoke and I was startled as he looked right at me. He still spoke Egyptian so this wasn't some over tired dream.

"I have seen many lead and kill their people for their gain." I answered, in Egyptian, him wondering if he would hear me. He smiled and shrugged.

"This is how we are to seem to our people, godlike and to busy to care for them. It is how we are needed to be. Cold and unable to be unjustly harmed." He answered in a tired and annoyed voice.

"You wish to be more." I stated and he smiled at me.

"Yes I wish to be much more and yet can not think of how to be more." He answered as he got up and began to pace. "They die for me and yet I can do nothing to make it any different. If we go to war they must fight for Egypt for their Pharaoh. Many die making my monument and yet that too must be done."

"I know your burden I have the power to harm many and have sadly had need of it recently." I told him and he smiled at me though it was anything but happy.

"Such a burden to put death to others." He replied and I nodded. My heart was heavy and I felt stupid and young for being bored by this man who I knew nothing about. He could be any type of man in any situation but I had judged him like others judged me.

"How can you see me?" I asked and he looked at me confused and yet smiling.

"I see the dead." He answered and in turn I smiled at him and bowed.

"Ah but I am not dead." I answered and he looked at me in awe.

"Truly not?" he asked as he moved to reach out to touch me but his hand passed through me. "Perhaps it is you who is mistaken."

"Nope, I am a witness to the past not active in it, therefore no body, though you are the first to see and hear me." I told him as I stared at him.

"Perhaps we have both gone mad." He sighed as he sat down again. I shrugged perhaps.

"What is your name?" I asked I knew history but the pharaohs seemed to blur a lot since I often merely dealt with their people and not themselves. Though I suppose that could be true of most civilizations.

"I am Siamun." He answered clearly and smiled at me. I knew the names of kings it helps in establishing a mental timeline. It was around 960-970 BC.

"I'm Bella." I answered thankful that I had bothered to learn ancient Egyptian or this would not work so well. I mean I seriously doubt he would understand English. Ren finally appeared at my side and looked at Siamun curious. "This is Ren." I had to enunciate her name like I had mine so he could repeat it.

"A pleasure to meet you." He said formally and I smiled as Ren bowed to him before correcting herself.

"He can see us?" She asked and I shrugged.

"He can see the dead." I told her and she smiled at him.

"So you are like Bella." She told him and I looked at her I guess that was right. I saw the dead, and well echoes. He smiled at me and nodded to Ren.

"It would appear so, though I do not witness the past." He said and I chuckled. This was an odd night. Thinking on being seen I remembered how children sometimes would stare in my direction before going back to what they were doing. I guess kids are sensitive to the world around them, though they didn't see me they felt me. "Perhaps you could help me." He asked pondering something.

"I should warn you my history is spotty, I know events on a personal level but I don't have a perfect recollection of all areas historically." I told him and he smiled in response.

"I only really wish to know or the general things possible for my people. To tell them what is possible." His eyes glowed with excitement and desire as he spoke. I wanted to help him but was uncertain of the correct way to tell him of the future. I really didn't want to get quoted somewhere that would just be awkward.

"The world is much easier to travel; people move to new lands and are accepted and made to be one of those lands peoples. Information spreads easily and what is known in one place can be easily shared with another far from it. All people stand for the rights of those in other places. But mostly we are better healers, builders, soldiers, and all people are free." I told him and he looked both amazed and uncertain. I was glad I hadn't said anything specific. "There comes a moment in a very long time when it is best for your people to be free to be responsible for themselves."

"I had not thought of these things. I had not realised that the future could be so different. Easy travelling, vast information sharing, and freedom for all people." He looked astonished and yet accepting. "I will look to this future and try to enhance it, though it would only be chaotic now I am sure that it is wondrous when it comes for all to be free." I could tell that he was pleased to hear these things but uncertain of what he could actually give his people.

"Perhaps a little respect for those that follow you, walk amongst them as the bow to you. Show your love of them with a smile or kind word. Make them love you and mourn their losses as your own." I suggested and he smiled at me.

"It is what I can do." He replied and seemed to like my words. "I will go to them and praise them for the great things they do for me. I will smile my joy and I will make their lives brighter by hearing their words and responding." He told me a smile on his once hard and empty features.

"You are truly a great god king if you do this." I told him and he smiled and finally rose to his throne and laughed.

"I shall be what I am the best I can." He told me and I began to feel pulled back to the waking world.

"I have enjoyed speaking with you. Perhaps we shall see each other again pharaoh." I told him bowing and everything went dark. I floated and relaxed at peace.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

My eyes opened slowly and I began to wonder what had woken me. Before my eyes were open a centimeter I was staring into the face of Emmet. Rolling over I hid my face in the pillows and longed to return to sleep instead of Emmet and his desire to make me laugh.

"Ah come on!" he cried as I tried to go back to sleep. A moment later I felt a tickle and knew that I wasn't going to be allowed to go back to sleep. Fidgeting I sat up and glared at him.

"You are pure and unadulterated evil Emmet McCarty!" I told him and he chuckled and bowed. Rolling my eyes I stretched. "Why did you wake me up?" I asked and he chuckled again sitting on the bed beside me.

"I got home from school and you were still in bed so I figured I would wake you up." He told me and my eyes went wide. An entire day had passed! Dang. I had to get to Jake's or the boy was going to kill me!

"Thanks Emmet." I said as I hopped out of bed and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "I massively over slept. I got to get ready to..." shoot I really shouldn't have said that. I cringed as Alice popped into the room and began to bounce as she pouted at me. Crap.

Emmet smiling left us and closed the door behind him. I rolled my eyes and opened my closest and went to the bathroom giving her free reign. She danced and kissed me on the cheek as I left obviously knowing I had agreed to be dressed by Alice. The one upside to looking at most of the Cullen's was that I knew it was pointless to argue with Alice. Sides if I didn't like it I would just change.

The hot water flowed over my body and I thought over my experience last night. It was amazing and yet unsettling was I developing an ability to talk to those in the past? I really hope not I can't really deal with another thing that I have to do, sides I would be reading history book after book just to try and understand what was happening with who and all that.

I thought back further to my episode in the waking world and shuddered. I could see it now, that I had done the only thing I could have to protect us I just didn't like that they had had to die like that. It was not something I ever wished to do to someone and yet even after vowing not to I used it. I had to be careful how and when I used the power and make sure that I didn't use it when it wasn't needed. This was a promise I could keep surely.

After the water cooled and I got out a dried off there was a knock at the door. Opening it I wasn't surprised to see Alice standing there with clothes for me. Smiling I took the clothes and moved back into the bathroom.

"There simple since you wouldn't wear any of the more fancy stuff I picked out." She told me as she shut the door behind her. "You seem to be lost in thought." She stated as I pulled on the clothes. I had completely lost my embarrassment at changing in front of people when I had basically mind raped them.

"I... I had a crazy dream and well I guess it made me realise some stuff." I told her as I buttoned the shirt into place and sat down for her to do my hair and make-up. "Mostly that I have to be careful about the power I have and just because I have it doesn't make me evil."

"Wow last night you didn't think that, what changed your mind?" she asked as she brushed out my hair.

"I got to talking with a Pharaoh, named Siamun and I realised that just because I had seen other Pharaohs abuse their power and smile while people died I assumed he would too. Not likely he seemed really nice. Then of course I haven't really gotten to talk to any one from the past before." I rambled and Alice smiled at me.

"So how come you and he could talk?" she asked and I smiled.

"We're similar I guess, he could see the dead and so can I in my own unhappy way." I said smiling brightly which only made her giggle compared to my sarcastic comment. "I told him about the basics of the future, you know easy travelling, internet, human rights. And he really wanted to make a difference for his people. I realised that you are what you are not what you can do."

"Very wise of you Bella." Alice commented as she finished with my make-up. I blinked a few times weirded out by the mascara. Looking in the mirror I looked beautiful not that I had any doubts but it was natural and still me. She knew how to play Barbie, even the simple tight-fitted black three quarter length top highlighted my body beautifully and the simple skinny jeans were oddly comfy but made me look curvy and long.

"Nice job Alice." I told her as I kissed her on my way out of the bathroom. Walking down stair I smelt a wonderful fresh scent and was instantly hungry. Alice followed me down and instead grimaced at the scent. "Smells good." I said as I walked into the kitchen to find Esme splattered in food. It was a bit of a shock but I smiled at her and didn't giggle. "Food fight?" I asked as I opened my eyes. Ah food processor.

"I made gazpacho." Esme stated and handed me a bowl of cold soup.

"Smells fresh and wonderful." I told her as I sat at the counter and began to eat. It was nice and tomato-y with a little bit of the crunch of vegetables. She smiled as I ate it with a smile, it was worth it if I liked it. "Very good and next time there's a lid that fills the open space on the food processor." I told her and she looked like she was going to blush purple. "Don't worry you threw it out."

"Well I'll have to get another since you like the gazpacho so much!" she told me as she began to blur cleaning up the mess. I knew it would be done in a few minutes at her pace.

"Bella?" Emmet asked as he and Jasper entered the room. I shrugged and opened my eyes to look at him.

"Jasper wins." I told him and he frowned.

"Really!?" he shouted as he handed over the money. Jasper just laughed and I shrugged. Alice looked at me astonished and yet not angry.

"How would I get a driver's licences when I don't open my eyes Emmet really? And the whole wearing sun glasses to cover your eyes doesn't work if the guys beside you. I have my bike licence and well I haven't been pulled over by a cop before but I would just open my eyes and pray I didn't see anything interesting." I told him as I moved to the sink and washed out my bowl.

"I am getting a license made for you." Jasper told me and I smiled.

"Thanks, playing dumb probably wouldn't get me far." I replied and Esme looked at me.

"Who taught you to drive?" she asked and I shrugged.

"My mom. It was only a few times but the basics of it are obvious and well I got the guide a few years back so I know the rules." I didn't want them to think that I was careless.

"But what about your bike license?" Emmet asked and I shrugged.

"The visor on the helmet is tinted." I replied and he laughed. "What the instructor doesn't know won't hurt him." His booming laughter filled the house and even Edward was laughing as he walked into the kitchen.

"I wonder how freaked out he would have been if he knew that you were driving with your eyes closed." Edward commented and I blanched. Everyone looked at me curious.

"The guy really didn't trust me. I arrived to my test with my helmet on and never really took it off except for the picture and I still feel disgusted and nasty from that kid's thoughts." I told them and they all began to laugh. "I got to go before Jake phones here asking if I'm dead yet."

I grabbed my keys and headed to the door. Edward followed after me as I walked up to the Audi. I looked back at him and slowly opened my eyes. He was uncertain if I still wanted to be with him. He thought I might be angry at him and I smiled as I walked over and wrapped my arms around him.

"I'm sorry I acted like a two year old last night but I do love you." I told him and he smiled down at me. "I just hate to hurt people, to force echoes on someone is something I shouldn't wish on my worst enemy and yet I did just that. I'm back to myself, if that makes any sense. I know I'm not a monster but I also know that if I'm not careful I could become one. That I know there's the ultimate option and that it's mine makes things easier. Now I should go before wolf boy things you guys have eaten me whole." I pushed up onto my tiptoes and kissed him. He chuckled and brushed my hair from my face.

"See you tonight then." He told me and turned and was standing on the porch as I drove off to the reserve a place he could never follow me to. Well not unless he wanted to fight the pack. I sighed and wanted him beside me where I could bask in his presence.

****

The drive was quick since I now speeded excessively when I drove. The only down side to seeing them was that I had their habits but sadly not their senses. Thankfully the lost of definition was a good reminder to slow down.

Pulling up to the house Jake was standing there looking at me. I smiled as I got out of the car and made a running jump on him. For some reason it felt like months since I had last seen him. He hadn't changed physically but I knew that he was growing up and that becoming a werewolf had sped things along. He wasn't smiling like the moron I loved he reminded me a little too much of Sam and his carefully schooled features that told you nothing of the man he was.

"Smile or I'll beat you up." I told him as he dropped me back down to the ground. He smiled but it fell far too quickly.

"Sorry just don't feel like smiling." He told me as he studied me carefully.

"What's up moron?" I asked and he smirked for a moment at me before taking my hand and pulling me towards the garage were his still to be built Rabbit was hiding. Taking his seriousness I didn't question him as he opened the door and pushed me into a seat.

"I don't want you living with the Cullens any more Bella." He told me and I cringed. What had he...? I opened my eyes and saw and heard what he had. They weren't human killers but they were still vampires and that wasn't safe. He feared that I would be eaten by them, that they would slip and kill me as was so easy for them.

But mostly I saw Jake's loss when he hung out with Leila and didn't imprint. He was devastated because now he couldn't tell her the truth. Before he even got to date her and fall in love he had lost her. I felt sad, what if it had happened that way with me and Edward, the ache told me all I needed to know.

"I'm so sorry..." I started before Jake cut me off throwing something against the wall. He was so angry, so lost and hurting I just wanted to make it better for him. I wrapped my arms around his middle and held on tight. He didn't respond right away but after a moment he wrapped his arms around me.

"I thought that maybe since you understood she could too but they didn't agree. Sam ordered me not to tell her the truth. But how could I still be close to her and yet be lying to her constantly?" he asked and he moved us so that I was sitting in his lap. I looked up at him and brushed the few tears off his face.

"Give her a chance Jake. Let her get to know you and give her clues and don't lie merely tell her you have a secret. Tell her that you want to be with her and that you already care for her but that you have a secret that isn't just yours to tell." I told him and he smiled at me because it was similar to what I had told many other people about myself.

"I asked her out like you told me too." He commented and my stomach dropped as I relived his dumping her later when Sam had bound him. I saw the look in the girl's eyes she hadn't wanted to loose him and yet knew that it hurt him to do it.

"She cares about you Jake. She'll either give you another chance and you can tell her the little that you can or she'll turn you down and it'll be over. But at this point you have nothing to loose and everything to gain." I told him and he nodded but I knew he would think it over for some time before he made his choice.

"Well this has been depressing." He said as he began to tickle me as I squirmed and tried to get away from him. We ended up laughing on the floor as Quil and Embry came in. They looked between the two of us and rolled their eyes.

"So vampire girl now huh?" Quil commented and I rolled my eyes.

"I think schizophrenic vampire girl is more accurate but okay." I replied and Embry laughed. I already knew they had no hard feelings about me knowing about them. Jake was trying to be subtle in his next attack and I jumped on him and kicked him. All the boys were shocked but Jake quickly flipped us over and I was back to being tickled. "Damn you!" I shouted as I giggled. Finally he let up and I got to breathe again.

"You kicked him harsh." Embry laughed and I shrugged.

"I may live with vampires but I don't have the super strength going for me. I might have broken one of my toes in that stupid attempt." I replied as Jake handed me a can of pop and sat down on the ground pulling me into his lap.

If it weren't for the fact that I knew he no longer in love with me I would have been slightly uncomfortable. But I knew as he did that I was his sister and nothing more, okay we were freaky amounts of playful and flirted with each other but that was it. Kissing just seemed gross to both of us. And that was before the whole crush talk thing. It felt weird and kinda wrong then again we were 12.

"Hopefully not I like your toes." Jake commented and I giggled, Embry and Quil joined us on the floor and for a moment looked uncomfortable.

"You can look at us." Embry said after Quil was quiet for a bit though he nodded at that. Okay everyone offering to have their souls read by me was kinda weird and off. Then again they had the whole pack mind thing like the Cullens had Edward.

"Sure, sure." I replied and Jake laughed at my use of his common line. I opened my eyes slowly and was hit by a wave of furry and boy memories. All in all it was okay. The fact that both of them had a crush on me and had fantasized about me was weird but I ignored it since it was a while ago. "Furry." Was my response and Jake laughed and the boys joined in.

"So you still like us or what?" Embry asked at the same time Quil spoke.

"What's my future?" Quil's question set us all into a round of hysterical laughter and we all felt better after it.

"I'm not a psychic, but whatever. And you guys are still alright by me. I just am massively longing to turn into a dog and go prance in the forest." I said laughing at their faces of pure disgust. Jake chuckled at my joke and they finally caught on.

"You're both invited to Emily's for dinner." Quil offered and we both nodded in or freaky simultaneous way. "Weird dudes weird." He said as we got up and began the rather short walk over to Emily and Sam's.

I was happy to hear that those two were finally going to get married. The boys acted like they always did hyper and teenaged it was odd how much they had grown but it was still them. They had better control of their emotions but they were still goofy and fun.

Billy was already over there and smiled at us as we joined them. I had closed my eyes and did my best not to open them when I noticed a little girl bouncing in her seat staring at Quil and opening and closing her little hands. This was Claire and she smiled at her Imprint happily. If I hadn't been in the boy's head it would have been a little wrong to see how affected he was by her.

"Bella glad you could join us." Sam called from the kitchen where he was helping Emily with cooking... well with setting the table. I smiled at them and went to help Emily and remove Sam from the kitchen were he should never be. Emily smiled at me and I grinned back at her.

"Why do you let him in here, after he lit that fire I thought you knew better." I scolded her and we both giggled. Since I had helped sort out the whole situation with Leah I had enjoyed spending an afternoon with these two if Jake was at school.

"I know I should know better but he pouts and I cave." She replied and we both giggled again as I helped finish up with the huge pot of mashed potatoes and cut the hams and mixed up and drained the vegetables. It was a huge meal but I knew the boys would still be hungry for the five pies sitting on the counter cooling.

"It's a shame when they realise that it works to pout." I told her as we set the final dishes on the table. Emily sat beside Sam and smiled at me and Jake as everyone dug in. Though the pack was much more aggressive about it, both Emily and I rolled our eyes and laughed at their enthusiasm before scolding them and dishing up Billy and Claire and ourselves while there was still food available. Jake had stocked his plate high as had most of the boys.

We ate and talked about all sorts of things like a giant family. It was nice but I wanted to get back to the Cullens they felt like family to me also. Not that this wasn't perfect in its way I wanted to be with Edward and Esme and Carlisle and even Rose. Claire had finished with her dinner and I had taken it away from her when she started to paint her potatoes on Quil. The poor boy wouldn't stop her since it made her happy. She was staring at me thinking hard about something.

"Whies you sleeping?" she asked and I smiled at her and asked Quil to hand her to me.

"I'm not sleeping Claire." I told her and she looked at me confused. I laughed at her expression and then had an idea. "Here" I said standing her up on my lap and I made sure that she blocked out everyone else other than Jake "see I'm not sleeping I can see through my eye lids and so I don't always open my eyes." I told her as I closed them and picked up a pea and offered it to her. She took it and stared at me nodding before popping it into her mouth. Turning her around I set her on my lap.

"Hows many?" she asked holding up three fingers.

"Three." I answered and she continued to ask me question after question before getting tired and I handed her off to Quil who was nothing but smiles.

"Sorry about that." He said as he rocked her back and forth.

"No problem, she's lovely and you make her day by playing with her." I told him and his face lit up as he gazed down at her.

"I'm glad." He replied as he moved to take her home and put her to bed. He loved her greatly and right now her joy was all that mattered to him. He was a great big brother and she would love him later when she was ready.

****

"Claire seemed to like you." Jake commented as we walked back to his house. Billy had opted to stay for a bit longer while Jake and I wanted to walk and get some exercise.

"She's cute and is curious about everything." I responded and he smiled at me.

"You like one of them don't you." He asked and I looked over at him shocked. I hadn't thought I was that obvious.

"Edward." I replied not even thinking to lie to him. He wouldn't like it but I knew where this was coming from. He was just worried about them attacking me even though he knew they wouldn't.

"I really don't like the idea of you living with them." He said again and I rolled my eyes.

"Jake remember the bear." I asked and he nodded before his eyes went wide. "Yeah I recently did it again on some vampires that threatened me and Esme. They aren't a threat any more." I told him and he seemed to relax.

"It just seems wrong that you would be safe with them. I would rather you stayed with Paul." He told me and I chuckled poor boy couldn't calm himself in the slightest. From what I saw he was going to run out of clothes soon.

"I know you just have to trust me when I say that they won't hurt me and that should something happen I know how to protect myself." I told him cringing at the thought of hurting any of the Cullens. We walked the rest of the way in silence.

"Take care of yourself and I think I'll try it out with Leila maybe she won't laugh at me." Jake said as I opened the door to the Audi. I smiled and rolled my eyes before waving goodbye and heading back to the Cullens.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

A few moments after I crossed the boundary line I noted that some one was running beside the car. I pulled over and Edward opened the door a moment later. He smiled at me and I rolled my eyes before pulling back onto the road.

"Couldn't wait?" I asked as he took one of my hands in his and kissed it. I shivered in response and he dropped my hand as I chuckled. "Not cold Edward." I told him as he chuckled and held my hand again. I drove much slower and enjoyed spending some time with the impatient vampire next to me.

"How was your day?" he asked and I shrugged.

"I got to re-meet Quil and Embry, two of the other wolves newly joined and we had a great dinner at Sam and Emily's. Oh Emily and Sam are getting married! I get to be a bride's maid, isn't that fun!?" I gushed still really happy for the couple that had faced so much in such a short time.

"Do you think Alice could get her hands on the perfect dress for Emily?" I asked and Edward sighed but nodded.

"She is probably planning it now." He replied and I giggled.

"Good Em totally deserves a beautiful dress for her big day. I also looked at Quil and Embry and Quil's imprint Claire, she is just too cute though she tends to abuse the poor boy." I told him and he looked amused. "She's two Edward and she writes on him with mash potatoes." It was a funny image but Edward looked unnerved. "Not that type of love not yet, now he's the world's most attentive babysitter."

"It must be like our love; once we meet we are bound for life to that person." He told me and I flushed deeply and playfully smack his arm.

"Gees." I sighed as we pulled into the turn off for the house. "Way to make a girl blush Edward." He chuckled and opened my door for me offering me his hand. I took it and smiled at him as he kept it and we walked towards the front door.

As soon as we entered the house Alice was bouncing in front of me with a huge smile on her face. She was more than a little excited about Emily's dress. I laughed at her as she pulled me into the front room where thousands of bridal magazines were scattered. Over doing it, yes, and totally a classic Alice.

"Beach wedding, light, flow-y and bright." I told her and she immediately moved a few magazines and pulled out others. I sat there and tried to see Em in any of them each time failing. "Simpler I think." I told Alice and she smiled and then pulled out a magazine and put it in my hands. It was perfect. Simple no lace or over the top glitter. It was almost a summer shift but it had this beautiful pattern embroidered on it that looked amazing. It had sleeves that were off the shoulder and cute little gloves that were fingerless and only went to the wrist it was perfect and screamed Emily to me. "Perfect." I told her and she bounced happily.

"Can we get her anything else?" Alice asked and began to pull out more magazines pointing to this and that. Wedding favours, flowers, tuxes, I waved my hands in front of me.

"The dress and gloves and shoes should be perfect Alice." I told her and yawned. Edward scowled at her and took my hand to lead me up stairs.

"I should have told her to bother you tomorrow with all of that." Edward sighed as I mutely followed after him tired but happy to have found the dress. After all the wedding was in a few months and it took time to get thing delivered.

Edward brought me to his room and smiled at me hesitantly. I was surprised and was more alert as he opened the door and brought me inside. Closing the door I looked at the very new and very large bed that now took up most of his bedroom. I looked back at him and waited for an explanation.

"I want to be with you always and I wasn't about to let you sleep on my sofa. If you want to though you can sleep in your room." Edward rambled and I smiled at him.

"It's lovely but you don't sleep and now you have lost half your room to a bed you won't use." I told him as I moved towards the bed to sit down as I felt tired yet again.

"But you do." He told me as he kissed me and I lost track of all my thoughts. Opening my eyes I was myself again.

"Trying to dazzle me Edward?" I asked smiling at him as he smirked back. "I like the bed, and I would love to sleep here." He smiled at me as he moved to hand me something.

"I moved only a few of your things as I didn't want to seem pushy." He told me as he handed me a pair of pyjamas. I smiled and began to strip Edward immediately looked away and my smile grew.

"Am I ugly or something?" I asked as I took off my bra and slipped the tank on. Edward was frazzled by my comment but didn't turn around.

"I am respecting your modesty." He said though I didn't believe him for a moment.

"Edward you animal." I said and his mind was completely flustered as I began to laugh. "It's safe now." I told him having discarded all of my clothes in a pile on the floor. He turned and smiled at me.

"You are being mean." He told me as he moved and joined me on the bed. I leaned into him as he adjusted the blankets around me.

"I am." I agreed and he chuckled.

"You need to rest." He told me and began to hum my lullaby as my eyes closed and I began to drift feeling completely safe in Edward's arms. I had died and gone to heaven.

****

The day was bright and women and children were gathering berries and such for dinner that night. They danced and sang in the sun and were merry. Why did this feel like the opening to a horror movie? Because it was my dream and where I go death follow, man that's just creepy. I watched them play and work and sing and felt happy and content.

Maybe this was like last night no death or gore or injury or conflict just happy people gathering food and children laughing. Yeah and echoes were happy and fluffy and purred. There was no shift this time the day continued on and everyone seemed happy. Four days and night passed and I wondered what was the reason behind seeing this?

Then the earth shook and I had the sinking feeling that shockingly this didn't end well. Everyone ran about trying to find their families and huddled together as the earth shook and I noticed that it was growing darker. It must be a volcano all these people would breathe the ash and suffocate. Some one pointed to the sky and again there was rapid movement they were fleeing the city.

Families tried to stay together as they ran, children picked up elders helped but sadly most of them were separated and lost. I stayed with a little girl that had been stepped on by the people desperate to escape that didn't notice her small form. Her eyes were wide as she saw the dark clouds coming towards her. After the herd of people were gone she made it to her feet and began to hobble in the same direction they had gone.

Sadly the clouds moved much faster than they ever could and descended upon them, since the girl was small and had begun to crawl she was lower that most others. People were falling all around and littered the sides of the path she moved down. It broke my heart to look at the families huddled together unconscious and near death. For a moment I longed to have my lungs fill with the toxic vapours and to keel over and to no longer have to witness this sad event.

The little girl continued her struggle for another few minutes until finally she too collapsed. My view changed and I was above as I watched the lava pour over them. I could tell from the coverings of ash that it had been hours after most had died that the lava reached them. This was no great city like Pompeii just a village that had fallen to the earths movements. They were unknown people that spoke something I hadn't heard before, their dress told me that I was in South America and the volcano told me west coast.

It was so still that I could hear the wind blowing the ash about and the sizzle of the burning lava flow. The stench of death hung about me and I wept for those that had died here though it was an easy death it would still have been frightening. I would remember the little girl for ever just as I would her village.

****

Drenched in sweat I looked over at Edward. He was staring at me intently. I wondered what had him so interested and worried. Not wanting to open my eyes I adjusted myself in his arms and waited for him to come back from his thoughts.

"We were talking in a language I have never heard before." He told me and I was shocked that I had said anything or that I had spoken in a language I didn't know.

"What did I say?" I asked and he smiled at me and wiped my hair from its plastered position on my face.

"I am not sure." He said and I shrugged. It wasn't important really just kinda weird and new. Then again the night before I conversed with Siamun and Pharaoh from ancient Egypt.

"I was dreaming of a village, I spent days with them as they went about life until a volcano erupted and they all died. They were buried in lava encased for all time until one day they are unearthed again. It was somewhere in South America judging by dress and customs and on the West coast cause of the Volcano but I don't know any more specifically then that." I told him and he nodded.

"You had only been asleep for a few hours." He told me and I smiled.

"Time is fluid Edward." I told him as I flipped over and aired out my sweaty back. It was fairly nasty to feel soaked in sweat but I also didn't want to move.

"Do you want to shower or go back to sleep?" he asked and I rested my head against his chest in answer. Chuckling he began to hum again and soon I was back asleep.


End file.
